Sermon Tone Analysis

Being the Father Your Family Needs

Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)

 

            I read an article this week entitled 50 Reasons Why It’s Good To Be a Man.

I won’t read them all, but here’s my own top-10 list:

            10.

You know stuff about tools.

9.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

8.

If someone forgets to invite you to something he can still be your friend.

7.

You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

6.

If another guy shows up at the same party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies. 5.

One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

4.

There is always a game on somewhere.

3.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, “So… do you notice anything different?”

2. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

1.

You can do your nails with a pocketknife.

There are some obvious advantages to being a man, aren’t there?

I want to start with some surprising facts about dads though: 63 million men in America do not  know Christ.

Only 1 out of every 12 men in America is involved in active discipleship.

4 out of 10 children will go to bed tonight without their biological father in the home.

Fatherless children are 5 times as likely to live in poverty, repeat a grade, and have emotional problems.

93% of all people incarcerated are men, and 85% of them have no father figure.

As many Christians will divorce as non-Christians.

Most men only know enough about God to be disappointed with Him.

John Maxwell, writes in an article titled, Dads: The New Endangered Species, “When the good news is combined with the bad, it seems that fatherhood in the United States is poised for either a great awakening or a gory collapse.”

I think he’s right.

We need to come back to a biblical concept of fatherhood.

God says that dads are to be difference-makers by leading and loving their wives and kids.

Fathers, it’s my prayer that through God’s Word we might experience a great awakening ­ in our personal life and in our parenting!

Let’s look at Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

I want to begin by giving some background.

In the 1st century families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes.

Rome had a law called “patria potestas,” which meant “the father’s power.”

Roman citizen men were given absolute property rights over their families.

By law, the children and the wife were regarded as the patriarch’s personal property, and he could do what he wanted with them.

A father could disown his children, sell them into slavery, or even kill them if he wished.

When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father’s feet.

If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home.

If he walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction.

Seneca, a contemporary of the apostle Paul, described Roman policy with regard to unwanted animals: “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge a knife into a sick cow.

Children born weak or deformed we drown.”

The Bible calls Christian fathers to a different standard.

Just as it was revolutionary for dads to lovingly lead their kids in the first century, faithful fathers today who do not exasperate their kids are rare.

Our kids are not property to own, but people made in the image of God, who need to be discipled and trained.

Dads, we are called to provide a proper environment where our kids can grow up to love and serve Christ.

Our primary responsibilities are set forth in Ephesians 6:4.

I want you to notice the very first word of this verse: “Fathers.”

I think Paul addresses just dads here because he knows that we especially need to hear this.

Most of us dads are sloppy in our fathering, not giving much thought to what we’re called to do.

This verse sets some pretty high standards.

Paul is challenging us to see the word “fathers” as something you do, not something you are.

It’s biologically easy to become a father, but biblically challenging to actually “father” our children.

In this passage, we’re given 4 “Dad Duties.”

One duty is something we should not do; the other three are what we are to do.

\\ 1. ­ Avoid Exasperation

The first duty is to “not exasperate our children.”

This is a warning designed to put us on guard against stirring up anger in our kids either deliberately or through carelessness.

I think Paul started with a negative command because he knows that fathers, who are fallen creatures, are prone to abuse their authority in the home.

The Greek word for “exasperate” means “to rouse to anger” or “to enrage.”

The present tense of the verb indicates that we are to stop doing something that is common and continuous.

This warning is calling us dads to avoid anything that will eventually break the sprit of our children.

Paul says in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”

When we exasperate our kids, they can become bitter.

Remember that our children are commanded by God to honor us.

When we provoke them to anger, we are causing them to sin against the 5th Commandment, which makes us guilty before God for disobeying Ephesians 6:4 and also guilty for causing our children to stumble.

Here are some ways that fathers can exasperate their children:

1.) Overprotection.

You can anger your kids by fencing them in too much.

I can relate to this one because there are so many things I want to protect my kids from in our world today.

I have to be careful so that my kids don’t grow up thinking I don’t trust them.

That reminds me of something I read recently called, “Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter.”

Here’s rule #1: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

And rule #5: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.

Please do not do this.

The only information I require from you is, are you a believer?

And when do you expect to have my daughter safely home, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early”.

Laban, an Old Testament dad, was an overprotective and domineering parent.

He dealt dishonestly with Jacob in order to get him to marry Leah, his eldest daughter, even though Jacob loved Rachel, the younger one.

In exchange for a promise to work for Laban for 7 years, Jacob was allowed to marry Rachel as well.

His controlling parenting cost his own daughters a healthy marriage.

Ironically, despite Laban’s overprotective interfering, the daughters’ view was that their father did not really care for them.

Listen to what they said about their dad in Genesis 31:15: “Does he not regard us as foreigners?

Not only has he sold us, but he has used up what was paid for us.”

What their dad had thought of as an expression of parental protection came across as evidence that he did not really love them.

2.) Overindulgence.

The flip side of overprotection is overindulgence.

Excessively permissive parents are as likely to stir their children’s wrath as much as those who stifle them.

Studies prove that kids given too much freedom feel insecure and unloved.

3.) Favoritism.

A third way to exasperate kids is by showing favoritism.

Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebecca preferred Jacob over Esau.

That family experienced terrible agony and two brothers became bitter rivals.

If you want to destroy your child, just make him feel inferior to everyone else in the family.

4.) Unrealistic Goals.

Dads, we can provoke our kids to wrath by constantly pushing achievement. 1 Thessalonians 2:11 shows us Paul’s fatherly concern for the church: “We exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children.”

Fathers, while it’s true that we’re called to exhort and charge our children, we’re also to comfort them.

5.) Discouragement.

As Colossians 3:21 challenges us, “do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.”

Dads, we need to cut down on the criticism and sarcasm in the home.

Let’s look for ways to praise our kids.

Let’s give our approval so our kids don’t have to look for it in the arms of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Let’s catch our kids doing things right instead of watching for them to do wrong.