He Restores My Soul

Well, this morning we are moving into our next topic in this series, The Transformed Life. We are taking some time to look at the core values, or foundational beliefs of Cutler Bay Worship Center. I find it interesting that’s how I talk about it because the reality is, these are truly mine and Kelley’s core values, and we strongly believe that this is the foundation that a healthy Christian life is built upon, which means they are also the foundation that a healthy christian community are built upon.

I’ve had multiple conversations in the last few weeks to that very end. What does it look like to have healthy community? Because that is our desire here, to foster healthy community. That means not letting stuff just go. Not the big stuff and not the small stuff go. That means not simply ignoring things when they come up, but it means looking at it and dealing with it when we can.

Paul writes in Romans 12:16-18, / / Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all. Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

vs 18 is really good in some of the other translations.

The ESV says, / / If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

The Good News Translation says, / / Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody.

I think one of the greatest deceptions the enemy has pushed within the church is complacency and apathy disguised as good christian character.

Complacency is defined as a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements. It is self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. This idea that it’s better for us to be disinterested or indifferent, nonchalant about what happens to us. Like the christian thing to do is to let it go and work hard to NOT bring it up. But that’s not what Jesus meant when he said turn the other cheek!

And the definition of apathy is lack of interest, enthusiasm or concern.

And this is why I think this is so dangerous, because a lack of interest, enthusiasm or concern with issues that arise, matched with a feeling like it’s on us to just get over it…ever hear this in your head, “Oh, it’s not a big deal.” or “Don’t make it more than it is...” “You just need to let it go...”

But here’s the thing, it is a big deal. Maybe the situation isn’t. Maybe the situation isn’t this huge thing, and that is exactly why we think we should be able to deal with it ourselves, but the reality is, without it being truly dealt with, it doesn’t always just go away. Oh sure, there are some things that we just don’t need to talk about. And I’m certainly not saying we go around tackling every little thing that people do that we don’t like or that puts us out. Sometimes how we react to things is entirely on us, not on the other person. But what I am saying, is that when we change our behavior around a person, to avoid, or protect, or distance ourselves, we need to start asking ourselves some questions about why we are doing that.

Like I said, I’ve had this conversation almost half a dozen times in the last few weeks. This is not an isolated event, and so IF i’ve had that conversation with you, I’m not saying this to any one person, I’m saying this because these conversations have highlighted for me how truly important this series that we are in is… When we don’t have a core system to live by, When we have not decided up front that we will do everything we can to protect each other, to love each other, to live at peace with each other, then we will be conned by ourselves, by the systems of this world, and by the enemy to allow things to sit in the background and eventually cause bigger issues than they needed to.

See, one small thing rarely makes a lasting difference, but one small thing, plus one small thing, plus one small thing and eventually we get to a point where we’re saying an all too common phrase, “that was the last straw...” which comes from “That was the straw that broke the camels back...”

Meaning, you were able to carry what you were carrying, until you weren’t able to carry it anymore and as a result you’re crushed under the weight of it all.

I’ll never forget, the best advice one of our pastors, John Arnott ever gave us. We were going through some pretty difficult stuff with one of our leaders at the time, and his advice to us was, / / “Keep your heart sweet, continue to walk in forgiveness, and don’t stop following after Jesus...”

In this series we have to this point looked the first two topics of the four foundational values that we hold. And each of these is books and books of content and years and years of learning and growing. But the base is what’s important, and when we get the base, it gives us the groundwork to build a life upon.

See, our foundation is truly what’s important.

Jesus said in Matthew 7:24-27, / / “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

If your foundation isn’t solid, it doesn’t matter what you build on it. It doesn’t matter how majestic or how strong the structure itself is, the structure will fall when it really comes down to it.

The foundation of our lives is the most important piece.

Now, I recognize fully that of course Jesus said anyone who listens to HIS teachings. So I am NOT saying that we’ve cornered the market here on all that it takes to have a solid foundation. The truth is that Jesus Christ, the Gospel is the foundation we build upon. Bill Johnson wrote a book called, Jesus Christ is perfect Theology. Everything we believe is centered on Jesus Christ BECAUSE He said himself, He is the way, the truth, and the life. What more do we want?

/ / Jesus Christ is...

…the way - our direction

…the truth - what to believe

…the life - what we look for

That is Jesus Christ.

And when we look at the life of Jesus Christ, as we’ve seen in the last 3 weeks of this series, these things are central to who He is. Jesus found his identity in the love of the Father. When he was baptized, the heavens opened, and a voice spoke, / / This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased.

And Eddie Piorek says it, this is the central event, and it is what we all need. To hear that the Father loves us, and that he is pleased with us, takes pleasure in us, without us having to do anything for that love. Jesus hadn’t started ministry yet, hadn’t saved the world. God’s love is truly unconditional, and that gives us the ability to live a life after him and following HIM without the pressure of rule following.

So that was the first part, / / The love of our Heavenly Father.

Then the last two weeks we looked at / / Intimacy and Hearing the Voice of God. Both work together, both invaluable, and both central to the life of Jesus Christ. Again, multiple times throughout the gospels we see Jesus going away, by himself to spend time with God in prayer, in conversation with his Father.

And of course, hearing God’s voice being integral in that process, and for us, who are NOT Jesus, maybe it doesn’t come quite as naturally, but we learn to develop that relationship with God and in time / / learn to hear God’s voice, learn to trust God’s voice and learn to obey God’s voice!

Next week we will wrap this series up by looking at the fourth focus, being / / Equipped and Encouraged by the Holy Spirit to Engage with the people around us, both within the local church community AND outside that community. It’s easy to read the bible and look at the gifts of the spirit, and look especially at what Paul says in Ephesian 4, which we call the 5-fold ministry gifts, Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors & Teachers, and say, “Well, clearly those are the gifts of ministry”, but we’ll take some time next week to see that we are all meant to be equipped. In fact, Paul says that those 5 gifts are given to the church for this reason, Ephesians 4:12, / / Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ.

And of course there are many more gifts than just those 5.

Today we are looking at the third core value, which is / / Restoration of the Heart & Soul.

And I keep giving them a number, although I wouldn’t say they are actually in any particular order, except that they do work out this way. It is the LOVE of God that draws us in. Because of that love we are compelled to develop a relationship with Him, Intimacy, and Hearing His voice. In that relationship He leads us to a place of healing. The more we hear his voice, follow his voice and direction, the more we find true life. And then as we develop that walk with Him, we are equipped and trained to be ministers of his very gospel.

So, today we are looking at the third thing here, Restoration of the Heart & Soul.

I’ve met people that don’t believe we need any sort of healing after we get saved because / / Jesus paid for everything on the cross, which he did, and so when we receive His salvation, which we do, then everything is done and taken care of, and the journey is complete. You are now fulling redeemed and set free and so don’t worry about anything else.

Here’s the thing, the difficulty in that is that it’s not so wrong that it’s bad theology. Jesus DID complete the work on the cross. He DID set us free. And when we cross over through the doorway of the grave, or when Jesus comes back, we will be perfectly set free. The truth is He DID redeem us from the grave and sin. But the question remains then, / / why do we still have issues? Why do we still have problems? Why do we not always feel free?

As I was thinking this past week, I was reminded of Psalm 23, And it outlines these four values we have so perfectly.

/ / The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Or the NLT says, I have all that I need.

This is true. In Jesus Christ we have ALL that we need. There is no lack. And if we think about that, it’s the perfect expression of the Father’s love. When I am secure in the Father’s love I am brought to a place of contentment, of knowing I have all I need. Jesus encouraged us to seek first the kingdom and not worry about the things of this world, why? Because your Father in heaven already knows what you need...

/ / He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

Sounds like Intimacy & Hearing His voice, doesn’t it? He leads me to a place of quiet, calm, reflection, connection with Him.

/ / He restores my soul.

The word soul there is life, mind, heart, body… this is the restoration that God does in our lives. Romans 12:2, / / ...be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Galatians 5:1, / / So Christ has truly set us free… or the ESV says, For freedom Christ has set us free. 2 Corinthians 3:17, / / For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord - who is the Spirit - makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.

That’s the goal, becoming more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. more and more…from where we were, to where we are, to where we will go to where we will go from there…it is a process.

/ / He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. the NLT says, He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.

Equipped and Encouraged to Engage… God leading us, as he has saved us, connected with us, set us free, he then leads us into a journey of right living where we connect with those around us and carry out HIS desires and HIS purposes on HIS path for our lives.

Jesus says in Matthew 5:16, / / …let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

For HIS glory, we follow HIS path doing HIS will. or as Psalm 23 puts it, For HIS name’s sake… that HE would be glorified.

So, he saves us and connects with us, why? / / Because God wants to lead you to a place where he can restore your soul...

Jesus quotes Isaiah, an Old Testament Prophet in Luke 4:18-19 and says, / / “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor [ie. the gospel / salvation]. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released [ESV - to proclaim liberty / freedom to the captives], that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free [ESV - to set at liberty / freedom those who are oppressed [broken]], and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.”

Very similar to Psalm 147:3 which says, / / He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Our hearts have wounds. Luke 4, the word oppressed means broken, those who are hurt, broken, torn down, been through it and came out wounded… but Jesus came to bring life and healing and freedom to those who are broken and hurting.

I’m not saying we’re all broken and bleeding all over the place with these horrible wounds. I find it actually very interesting, just like I said that we have this saying, The straw that broke the camels back, being that one last thing, the last straw that makes a person lose it, crack, walk away, the same thing happens often times with wounds itself.

Things seem so small, so insignificant and like we shouldn’t pay attention to them, so we don’t, we don’t pay any mind. And we think we’ve brushed it off when actually what happened is that we were wounded, but not significantly enough for us to think we need to see a doctor, so we leave it. Here’s the problem. We’ve all been lied to being told that time heals all wounds. That is not true. Time does not heal all wounds. Wounds of the heart that are not healed tend to fester over time. And we are talking about internal wounds here. Wounds we don’t see on the surface. So we aren’t reminded of them all the time, but they impact our lives, and over time, the more wounds we carry, the more our lives are affected.

My goal today is not to try and get us through all the healing we need, that would be impossible, like I said earlier, these are books and books and books within themselves, and the topic of restoration and healing of our soul and heart is a huge one. But what I want you to understand today is this simple and fundamental truth.

/ / We all need healing. We all need to be restored.

There is not one of us that is not hurt, broken or wounded in some way, shape or form, and that infliction that has been caused against us, or that we have inflicted on ourselves through sin or other means, is having an impact in our lives, and the very real thing is that we might not even notice it.

One of the greatest problems the enemy has created for christians is to be settled with the life we are living and not recognize that Jesus didn’t just come to give life, but as he said in John 10:10 his purpose was that we would have life MORE ABUNDANT.

And it is in the pursuit of more abundant, which means beyond measure, superior in quality, excessive even… that we come into LIVING in the freedom that Jesus provided, not just being free. / / Because there is a very big difference between BEING free, and understanding our freedom and living in it!

I’ve shared this before, but think of it in this way, if you have a dog in a yard that has one of those invisible fences, and the dog has been in that yard for a long time, it knows the boundaries because it’s been shocked more times than it can count, it knows where NOT to go. And you come along and you set that dog free, you turn the power off. But how many know that if you put that dog back in the yard, even with the power turned off, he’s not going to go passed the line where the invisible fence was, right? Learned behavior. The pain and hurt from his past are locking him in to what he believes is a safe place to live. And so he stays there. Technically free, but not experiencing that freedom.

Jesus has paid for your complete healing, your complete freedom, but that does not mean that we are all living in that freedom.

I’ve said it before, Israel begged Moses to bring them BACK to slavery in Egypt because they just simply did not know HOW to live free. The hard work of living in freedom was too much.

Jesus gave the perfect example of our freedom being a process. In Matthew 18:21 Peter asks Jesus, / / “Lord, How often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” And Jesus responds with, / / “No, not seven times, but seventy times seven!”

This isn’t about forgiving someone 490 times, this is about living a life where we learn to forgive all the time, not keeping track of the number of times we must forgive someone, AND the fact that sometimes forgiveness in of itself is a journey. I’ve shared before my own personal journey with this message, how for years every time I was in a service where the topic was forgiveness, and we would ask God at the end if there was anyone in our lives we needed to forgive, for years I saw the same persons face. Until I didn’t. And in that moment I knew that I had truly forgiven from my heart. I forgave with my head until it truly came from my heart.

We recently did a 6 week class on Biblical Healing and Deliverance that leads to freedom, and we were learning and praying through a book by this great couple, Chester & Betsy Kylstra. And again, we will be offering this class in future months as well, it’s so absolutely crucial to our development as Christians. And right in the first paragraph of the book they write, / / “Many people in the world are trapped and wounded, and believe they are helpless...

Think of that poor dog in the yard, the power is off, but he’s still trapped by the lies and hurt and memories of the past.

/ / We were once among that group. By the grace of God, we were given a revelation of significant keys of the Kingdom that enabled first us and then many others to receive God’s restorative healing, deliverance and freedom.”

That’s what this is all about, healing, deliverance and freedom.

And as I read that again this past week, I was struck with this reality. Healing must be walked out, deliverance must be completed, and until they are, freedom is not found. What do I mean by that?

Let’s look at healing.

/ / Healing requires follow through. A little example. I went to a chiropractor for a while, and I would go, they would adjust my back, BUT, the issue was, when I walked out of the chiropractors office, I was still big. I was still disproportionately lopsided, and instantly my body is thrown out of wack.

Another example - I have dealt with an issue in my feet for years. It’s called plantar fasciitis, it’s basically an extreme form of flat feet, the tendons in your feet aren’t long enough, so they stretch and tear and it hurts. Well, to compensate for that pain, for many years I walked in a way that I would roll on the sides of my feet. Well guess what that did. It threw out my ankles, my knees, my hips & my back. I had issues and pain in all of those areas.

This is a perfect example of having to walk out our healing:

Now, what if God comes along and heals my back, no more pain in my back, but I leave and did not deal with the issues in my feet. What will happen? The way I walk, let’s just say, the way I live my life, will cause pain and hurt to return because I am not fixing the root issue, right?

Jesus meets a man in John 5:1-15, and this man has been sick for 38 years. If you’ve watched the Chosen they do a great job at this story. This man has been sitting by the pool of Bethesda, which the story was that an angel of the Lord would come periodically and stir the waters of this pool, and the first person to be able to get into the pool when the waters began to bubble would be healed. And so when Jesus asks him, “Would you like to get well?” His response is, “I’m a cripple, I can’t make it fast enough and I don’t have someone to help me get into the pool first.”

Jesus turns to him and says, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!” The man is healed. But later on, Jesus runs into this same guy in the temple, and he says to him, / / “Now you are well; so stop sinning, or something even worse may happen to you.”

Well that doesn’t sound like a very Jesus thing to say, does it? But if we are healed, whether that is a physical healing, or an emotional healing, a mental healing, spiritual healing, but we do not change the behavior of our lives that caused the issue in the first place, we risk repeating the very thing that caused us to be hurt.

Let’s look at an emotional response. Let’s say you’ve got a friend, and you did something to hurt that friend, but they are gracious enough to forgive you, let it go and you are able to mend that relationship. BUT, instead of learning from that, and changing your behavior, you continue to treat that friend the way you were treating them, what is going to happen? Sure, there was healing, but there was not freedom, because your actions didn’t change to accommodate for that healing.

So, Jesus says, You are well, this is good, you’ve been healed, now live a life that will keep that healing.

See, the enemy will do everything he can to get you to lose what you’ve gained. Remember, Jesus says in John 10:10, / / ...the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. He’ll do what he can to rob you of healing, steal back any position or influence he had in your life so that you don’t live in the freedom that Jesus has already paid for you.

We don’t live free of consequence simply because of grace. Paul says this in Romans 6:1-2, / / Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?

And yet, many do. And remember, sin is not always, you’ve done this terrible thing intentionally, you’re a horrible person because of it. No, remember Romans 3:23, / / For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

So if Jesus says, “you’ve been made well, now go live a different life so you stay well...” but we go live the same life we lived that made us what we were before, can we expect anything less than the problems our lives and those actions gave us before? My buddy Kyle introduced me to the saying, “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes...”

Jesus said in John 8:31-32, / / You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. That is follow through, not just learning or hearing, but James 1:22, don’t just listen to the word of God but do what it says, faithful to the teachings of Jesus. / / And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

We must walk in our healing.

And just like Healing Requires Follow Through, the same is true for deliverance. / / Deliverance Must Be Complete...

If there is any form of demonic oppression or influence in our lives, it is not going to just give up and walk away easily. Remember a couple weeks ago I shared the story of what Kelley and I had to go through when we first got married with the dreams I was having. That journey was not a one time solution. It tried for a good while to stick around and cause problems, but the more we journeyed Christ, the more I remained faithful to the teachings of Jesus to repent for my past, forgive myself just as Jesus had forgiven me, and bring these things into the light with Jesus AND with Kelley, and told the enemy he had no place, so he might as well leave, even when he did come back, we reminded him of that, and eventually he didn’t bother.

In Matthew 12:43-45 Jesus says, / / “When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none. Then it says, ‘I will return to the person I came from.’ So it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and in order. Then the spirit finds seven other spirits, more evil than itself, and they all enter the person and live there. And so that person is worse off than before. That will be the experience of this evil generation.”

Again, this is NOT what happens to those who are faithful to the teachings of Jesus. Look what he says, This will be the experience of this EVIL generation.

Evil doesn’t mean by action in this sense, but in character, in virtue, so Jesus is saying, those who do not change their way. If Repent means to change the way we think, to go in a new direction, then this word, translated evil, is the opposite of that, they refuse to turn, to change the way they think, they refuse to do things differently.

What happens? Well, Jesus comes along, delivers them, but they don’t change how they are doing things, they don’t in turn become faithful to the teachings of Jesus, they don’t invite the Holy Spirit to fill the areas of their lives that were filled with problems before, and what happens? They become an empty vessel, prime real estate for more problems than before.

Deliverance is a very real thing. Demonic influence and oppression are very real things. We just spent weeks looking at spiritual warfare. This isn’t something to be ignored. And Jesus is clear, you can experience incredible deliverance, but lose the opportunity for true freedom if you don’t walk that out, if you don’t change your direction.

This is why this is so important. You can be free, but not living free. You can be saved, have salvation, believe in Jesus as your savior, eternally set free, and still live in the bondage of the hurts and pains of yesterday, and still live under the influence of the enemy.

I’m not sure why the church in large has not embraced this as much, yet, I’ve seen it working in so many areas of life. Some of the greatest business and leadership books I’ve read have a chapter or at least talk about forgiveness being a key to moving our lives forward.

As many of you know I’ve been walking the road of recovery this last year and one of the most important steps within a persons recovery is / / Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Essentially asking the question, “What in me is getting in the way of me living a free life?”

Listen to this, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, / / Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics [addicts] than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically...

The journey is to experience healing and deliverance so we can learn to walk in the freedom we’ve been brought into through those things.

Like I’ve said, these are big topics, but I want to bring you to one thing this morning that I truly believe will make a huge impact in your life if you just grab this one single thing tis morning. And this isn’t something you need to go hunting after, it’s not something you need to try and dig up, it’s simply something you need to listen for.

Another book I’m reading right now on this topic of healing and freedom says this: / / [making judgements] is the sin that causes the most problems in our lives.

So, AA says resentment is the root of all our issues.

This says judgement is the core of many if not all of our problems.

Let’s look at this for a second.

What is resentment? Well, by definition it is / / bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly. Indignation being anger or annoyance provoked by what is perceived as unfair treatment.

And what is judgement? And here I’m not talking about eternal judgement, or a courts judgement, but the judgement we make when we see something happen, or something happens to us, or even like indignation’s definition says, what is perceived...

/ / Judgement is seeing the negative in a situation or a person, and setting ourselves up as the judge, jury and executioner.

Again, we’re not going to dig too deep this morning, we’re going to begin to look for areas of our lives where these things might be causing some problems. So, I simply want us to be open to dealing with just two small words that produce judgements that have major impact in our lives.

/ / Always & Never

These words creep up in conversation, but probably more importantly, they creep up in our after thoughts. When someone does something, how do we respond? And is that response giving us insight into what may be going on below the surface?

A couple examples. I had a habit of leaving kitchen cabinet doors open. I’m not saying I’m completely reformed, but I think I’ve gotten better. BUT, for a good long season Kelley would actually say, “You ALWAYS leave these doors open.” or “EVERY TIME I go into the kitchen there are doors open” or “why do you NEVER close the cupboards?”

ok, some questions.

did I ALWAYS leave them open? no

was it EVERY time she went into the kitchen? no

did I NEVER close the cupboards? not true, fake news.

BUT, did it FEEL like that to her? Yes, absolutely. See, the issue is not that you’re experiencing something. The issue is that you take it as a personal affront, and then in your resentment, remember, definition of that is anger and annoyance provoked by what is actually, or perceived as unfair treatment, so in our resentment, our anger or annoyance, we cast judgement. “You are always like this. You will never change.”

What happens there? My expectation becomes that you will always do this.

And you might think, Ya, but it’s still on you, my words don’t have the power to make you do or not do something, that’s on you. You are the one leaving the kitchen cabinets open...

Let’s just read Proverbs 18:21 for a second. / / The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

/ / We feed or starve what happens around us in the spiritual realm by the words we speak in the natural.

And when we feed it, when we declare a thing to be, we are in a sense dictating what we want to receive. We just read Proverbs 18:21, life or death, but the verse previous, vs 20, in the ESV says this, / / From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.

Essentially saying, What we speak, we eat. Our words become our dinner. To be satisfied means to be filled… And if we’re speaking life, that’s a fantastically positive thing, isn’t it? But what if we aren’t speaking life? See, I can be satisfied like I’ve had enough and I’m good, or I can cause these problems in my life and it’s like the enemy is giving me a noogie yelling, “had enough yet? Are you satisfied???” And I’m like, “I didn’t mean it..” He’s like, “Ya, but you said it...”

What’s the solution? Well, Kelley and I have dedicated a lot of our life to walking this road of healing and deliverance that leads to the true freedom of Jesus Christ, and so this is one of those situations we’ve talked through. “No, I don’t ALWAYS leave the doors open...” And so there’s some repentance, some forgiveness and a commitment to do better. Remember, healing without change can result in greater issues. Deliverance without replacing the influence of evil spirits with permission to be filled with the Holy Spirit can cause greater difficulties.

So we walk the road of healing. We journey together. And when we catch ourselves using these words, we act as quickly as possible to talk through it.

Listen, sometimes this isn’t a conversation to be had with the person, it’s simply a conversation we need to have with Jesus.

Another example. I’m guilty of this and need to work on it.

We have an 8 year old, and that 8 year old, although she is our world, is a little frustrating sometimes. And it feels like she NEVER listens. It feels like EVERY time we ask her to do something she doesn’t listen. It feels like she’s ALWAYS ignoring what we ask her to do.

See what I just did there? Problem is, I’ve let those words come out of my mouth toward her too.

“Why do you NEVER listen?”

“Why are you ALWAYS so slow?”

Or maybe it’s just in passing to a friend, “Ya, she’s ALWAYS like that...” “Oh my goodness, right? They NEVER listen, do they?”

And what are we doing? We are casting judgement, and when we cast judgement we are stepping into a realm of sin because we are not the judge, and we are pronouncing continued impact from the very thing we don’t want to see by judging it in this way.

So, what do we do about it?

/ / 1. Listen

We have to give ourselves permission to hear these things that we say. We need to give Holy Spirit permission to speak to our hearts when we do these things. And this one might be a little tricky, but it really helps when we invite our spouse or close friends into this process - as long as they are committed to the process of healing and freedom as well.

Ya know, Kelley and I went to a ministry school where we were in class for 5 months, but then on staff and around that environment for years and you just could not get away with saying these types of words without someone pointing out, “You said never.....”

This isn’t about pointing out someones flaws, that certainly doesn’t make anything better. This is about being committed to a life of living FREE. Not just listening to the truth and the word of God, but doing what it says! Proverbs says speak LIFE, so we need to learn to speak life and walk away from speaking those things that cause death.

A little hint: IF you are going to be willing to help someone else by pointing out when they use these words, you ALSO need to be willing to allow them to do the same with you. It doesn’t work if just one person thinks that they are good and the other person is the one with issues. We all need to own our own parts in these things. Because when we are both dedicated to living a life healed and set free and living in the freedom, then we make a very powerful team. That becomes the three strand chord of me, Kelley and the Holy Spirit that can not easily be broken!

Another consideration: Just because we don’t want to use these words, doesn’t mean there isn’t a real issue. The fact was that often times, not always, but often times, when I went into the kitchen I would forget, for whatever reason, to close the cupboard doors. And I that is not something Kelley just needs to ignore and get over.

So, we were able to talk through that. And when you take talk through something without judging the person and pinning them into the corner with words of absolutes, we can move toward healing and change.

That can look like: “Babe, you left the cupboard doors open again.” (without anger or annoyance in the voice) to which a response of, “Oh My Goodness! I’m so sorry. I’m trying, honestly...” “It’s ok, just wanted to let you know.”

Ask yourself this, why do we feel like we need to weaponize our words? Like the action was a personal assault. And then we judge, we’re fueling the immediate fire, while creating an expectation that the issue will continue, inviting external spiritual influence to have access in our relationship because of our words. Ok, so we have to be willing to listen for when these things happen.

/ / 2. Repent

This is where we own our part. I said this last week, Repentance is NOT a dirty word. Repentance is only scary when we think the person we’re repenting too is going to respond in anger. But when it comes to God, He’s a Good Father who loves us and like Jesus said, His purpose was that we would live life and have that life abundantly, so everything we come to him about fixing and repenting for is an opportunity for further freedom that Jesus paid for! That is the healthiest of situations.

The enemy tries to use shame when we’ve done something wrong to cause us to hide, just like Adam & Eve in the garden. Adam’s response to God was, “I hid, because I was afraid, because I was naked.” And God asks him, “Who told you that you were naked?” Who is trying to shame you in this? Do you not know that you can come to me with anything? Do you not realize I love you, and care for you, and want you to be healthy and whole? Please, if you do something and feel distant from me because of your actions, come to me.

The same thing is true of earthly relationships. The answer is not to isolate or allow distance to further cause our relationship to suffer, but to close the gap and reconnect.

So, repentance is key, and it’s not scary.

God, I repent, I am so sorry for judging this person. For pronouncing a judgement that they will always be like this, never be like this, they do this every time etc… I don’t want them or me to suffer from this judgement any longer. Would you forgive me for making this judgement. I cancel my agreement with this judgement, and in Jesus name, because of His mighty work on the cross I break the agreement and any effect this judgement has had in my relationship.

Done and dusted! You don’t want to live under that judgement, or pronounce that judgement over the person you’re with.

This may, not always, but may include repenting to the person directly. But not always, because sometimes we are in relationships where the other person is not committed to healing like we are, a friend, a boss, extended family etc… and to approach them and try do deal with these things may cause more issues simply because they don’t see it like that.

In relationships where we are close and the other person is open to walking this journey as well, or especially with our kids, it is important to really focus on how we speak, right? So, that may involve sitting down with our littles and saying, “You know how daddy said that you never listen? That’s not true, and I shouldn’t have said that. You are a really great listener. Daddy was frustrated in the moment, and said some things he shouldn’t have said. Do you think you could forgive me for that?”

“Babe, I’m sorry, I know you don’t always leave the kitchen cabinet doors open. I just get so frustrated walking into the kitchen and they are open… I’m sorry I’ve been putting that all on you!”

/ / 3. Forgive

This is where we recognize that to be free we need to release ourselves and others, choosing to no longer hold judgement. See, when we recognize that we’ve done something wrong, like I said, the enemy will try to shame us, and that causes us to cast judgement on ourselves. Why do I always do that. I never do it right. Every time I do this… forgive yourself for your part in this. You’ve repented, which means God has forgiven you. Now, be willing to release yourself.

Also, take the initiative to forgive the other person involved. Again, this may be a personal thing, but more than likely this is an internal thing.

God, I forgive Rob for leaving the cupboard doors open, I choose to no longer hold that against him and I release him from any judgements I have made against him about opening, leaving open and not closing kitchen cabinet doors.

And I choose to forgive myself for making these judgements, and ask you God to help me not make these judgements again.

Again, this may be something you don’t say to the other person. I think I shared this a few weeks ago when we were talking about the Love of God our Father. In one of the first times I heard this message I wrote this email to my parents forgiving them for all the things they had done to me and how they had misrepresented God as Father etc… It was not a good idea. Remember the definition of resentment, sometimes it’s perceived wrongs… So my parents response, and rightfully so, was, “Wow, we didn’t know we had done those things to you...” ya, you might not have, or at least not intentionally, and didn’t have any ill will behind your actions, but I took it that way.

This is why Step 9 in recovery is: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I’m reading a book right now that someone wrote on this process and they describe that step as: Now apologize. Unless that would make things worse.

Good advice.

/ / 4. Choose Freedom

Once we’ve seen how we’ve used these words and as a result made judgements against people, we’ve repented, asked forgiveness and forgiven ourselves, we have to choose to no longer use these words. And that is a process. We might use them again. Ok, make a decision today that you’re not going to live by that any longer, but you’re going to, with the help of the Holy Spirit, pursue the freedom that Jesus Christ died on the cross for so that you can experience, not just life, but life abundantly, the fullness of life, healing AND living in that freedom.

This is going to be a personal process for each of us. We have to recognize where we make these judgements, and we have to be willing to walk the journey of repentance, forgiveness and choosing a better way. But I want us to pray this morning, that God would release from us these judgements we have made and bring us revelation and insight into where we have used them, so that we can pursue healing and freedom.

Pray with me this morning:

Heavenly Father, I know I don’t always get it right. I know those around me don’t always get it right. But I recognize today that it is not my job to judge. Where I have made judgements, that have had spiritual impact in my relationships, would you forgive me. Would you help me to see where I have judged others. Help me to change. I want to live in the freedom you gave me through the cross. Forgive me for being the judge. I invite you to be judge in my life and my actions. In Jesus name, amen.