Friction in our Marriages

We want to be real about things that cause friction, how that distracts us from what is true, and how we must set our eyes back on Jesus in the midst of the hardships.

TODAY, we are going to talk about Friction in our Marriages

Let’s begin in prayer

Thanks for the Holy Union of Marriage

Protect our Marriages from the evil one

Speak to us today

1-Friction: Overwhelmed by too many things - Abrumado por demasiadas cosas

Illustration: Juggling

Did you notice it was too much to handle and everything fell apart?

FACT 1: Teamwork makes the dream work - Un trabajo en equipo hace que el sueño funcione

Remember in the Garden of Eden when God said it is not good for man to be alone?

God made husband and wife to be an amazing team together. Never one more important than the other.

Illustration: Three Legged Race

Marriage is like a three-legged race. If you try to push ahead without your partner’s cooperation, you are destined to both fall. You have to be in rhythm with one another. It is not easy, but when done right, you can begin to move as one. The of Ecclesiastes speaks to this team effort between two people.

Read Ecclesiastes 4:9

Read Genesis 2:18

Ecclesiastes 4:9 NKJV

9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 RVR60

9 Mejores son dos que uno; porque tienen mejor paga de su trabajo.

Genesis 2:18 NKJV

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Genesis 2:18 RVR60

18 Y dijo Jehová Dios: No es bueno que el hombre esté solo; le haré ayuda idónea para él.

Notice that God said He would make a helper who is comparable / ideal / suitable for him?

In marriage, it is no longer my needs - me. It is us and we. Not her and hers, nor my and mine. Us and We.

FACT 2: It is all about the Attitude - Se trata de la Actitud

Point #2 – It is all about the attitude

The way you see your marriage, and the way you see your spouse, are largely dictated by your attitude. Often, you will see what you want to see and you won’t see what you don’t want to see. We have to pay attention to mentality we are bringing to the relationship.

Here is a quick quiz that can help you determine the attitude you have toward your spouse.

1. How easily do you rejoice in your spouse’s successes?

2. What is one thing that brings your spouse joy?

3. When is the last time you expressed your love for your spouse in a tangible way?

4. How often do you pray for your spouse?

5. What is your spouse stressed about right now?

These questions reveal for us just how invested we are in our marriage relationship. They simply point out to us how aware we are or unaware we are of the internal world of the one we have vowed to love until death do us part. This investment begins with an attitude of cooperation, curiosity, care, and love.

Paul speaks to this mentality as he writes to the people living in Colossae. He is expressing to them how to love one another well. This was a topic in the early church that was incredibly important, because the world was watching to see how this Jesus movement would manifest itself in relationships - to see if it was legitimate.

Read: Colossians 3:12-13

Colossians 3:12–13 NKJV

12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

Colossians 3:12–13 RVR60

12 Vestíos, pues, como escogidos de Dios, santos y amados, de entrañable misericordia, de benignidad, de humildad, de mansedumbre, de paciencia; 13 soportándoos unos a otros, y perdonándoos unos a otros si alguno tuviere queja contra otro. De la manera que Cristo os perdonó, así también hacedlo vosotros.

If you are not married, don’t check out!!! This applies not just to those who are married but is for all of us!

Paul begins by reminding them that they are God’s chosen ones. Now Paul is talking general terms about loving each other well, but I would argue this discussion is even more important in a marriage. When friction arises, when we are tempted to forget what is true about one another, we must remind ourselves that we have been chosen by God and are deeply loved by Him. This love from God is the basis of our love toward one another. Without trusting that God loves us, and allowing that love to permeate our lives, we have no hope of being able to love one another well. It is because of this love that Paul give this very important instruction in verse 12.

Point #2 – We choose what we wear

FACT 3: We choose what we wear - Elegimos lo que llevamos

Illustration: Do you remember when you were young, those days before the first day of school? You would have those butterflies in your stomach as a new year was about to begin. Of all the things to worry about, there was always only one thing on your mind: What were you going to wear? Right? This was the most important decision to make. So you would go new clothes shopping, and the night before school began you would lay them out on your floor just to make sure you were ready.

This is what Paul is saying in this passage. He instructs his readers to “put on then”. This Greek word is the word enduo (en-doo-o). It means to clothe yourself. It has this sense of sinking into a garment. It is picking out clothes to wear, only we aren’t picking out shirts and jeans, we are choosing what kind of attitudes we will put on or wear. He tells us to clothe ourselves, to put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. These different attitudes are often forgotten about in a marriage when things get hard. We do not naturally put these one. We have to intentionally choose to them and intentionally express them.

When you are stressed and your spouse asks you to do something that you do not want to do, how do you respond? Frustration? Instead, choose patience. It’s been a bad day, and your spouse forgot to do something that was important. How do you respond? Anger? Instead, put on compassion.

In verse 14 Paul introduces an incredibly important aspect of a successful marriage. It is forgiveness. He says if someone has a grievance against someone else, you should choose to forgive them. Put on forgiveness. He does not say to forgive because they deserve it. He does not say forgive because you will get a pat on the back. He does not say forgive because your spouse will magically become a perfect husband or wife. He says to do it because you have been forgiven by God already. We forgive because we have been forgiven.

He continues with the key to your marriage.

READ Colossians 3:14-16

Colossians 3:14–16 NKJV

14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

Colossians 3:14–16 RVR60

14 Y sobre todas estas cosas vestíos de amor, que es el vínculo perfecto. 15 Y la paz de Dios gobierne en vuestros corazones, a la que asimismo fuisteis llamados en un solo cuerpo; y sed agradecidos. 16 La palabra de Cristo more en abundancia en vosotros, enseñándoos y exhortándoos unos a otros en toda sabiduría, cantando con gracia en vuestros corazones al Señor con salmos e himnos y cánticos espirituales.

Here is the secret sauce. This is what binds this all together. This is what enables a marriage to navigate the highs and lows of life. It is love.

Point #3 – Love is the glue

FACT 4: Love is the glue - El amor es el pegamento

Paul says clothe yourself in love because it holds all the other attitudes in place. It is the bonding agent. Like super glue, like cement, love is secure. The word ‘love’ that Paul uses here is the word agape (ag-ah-pay). This word for love expresses a love that self-giving in nature. It is a love that is sacrificial. When we love selflessly, we are able to have compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Paul also mentions gratitude as a key to this love. Often, when people get married, they are in what is called the “honeymoon” phase. Everything is great. Their spouse is perfect. Until… one day they aren’t. Every couple will see that excitement and euphoria wane from time to time. That is the time when each couple must choose to be thankful. Each couple must remind themselves why they got into this relationship in the first place.

Illustration: Think back on your relationship with your spouse. Can you pinpoint 3 memories that make you thankful. (Teacher: Share 3 memories with pictures if possible) How did those moments make you feel? How does reminding yourself about these moments of gratitude affect your relationship now?

READ Colossians 3:17

Colossians 3:17 NKJV

17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Colossians 3:17 RVR60

17 Y todo lo que hacéis, sea de palabra o de hecho, hacedlo todo en el nombre del Señor Jesús, dando gracias a Dios Padre por medio de él.

Paul ends this portion of chapter 3 by reminding us why we love the way they we do. Particularly for marriages, this charge is the main point. The reason we are to pay close attention to how we speak and what we do in relationship to one another is because marriages are meant to be a picture of the kind of relationship between Jesus and the Church. Throughout the New Testament this comparison is made. Ephesians 5 speaks to this most clearly. Wives and husbands mutually submit to one another, and each spouse is called to serve one another and love one another the way Christ loves the Church. So, how husbands love, care for, serve, and support their wives shows the world what Jesus love is like. How wives love, care for, serve, and support their husbands shows the world what Jesus love is like. Our marriages are about more than some rings, a cake, and the cupid shuffle. They are about the kingdom of God.

Point #4 – Fight the friction

FACT 5: Fight the Friction - Lucha contra la fricción

The truth is that there is an adversary who is bent on harming and destroying your marriage. It is because of the significance of the institution of marriage that the evil one will do everything he possibly can to break down the commitment between spouses.

READ John 10:10

John 10:10 NKJV

10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

John 10:10 RVR60

10 El ladrón no viene sino para hurtar y matar y destruir; yo he venido para que tengan vida, y para que la tengan en abundancia.

The goal for evil is to kill, steal, and destroy. Couples must fight to keep friction from crippling their connection. Jesus has come to give life and life to the full. Jesus wants your marriage to be healthy and vibrant. He wants to help you develop a strong foundation that can carry the heavy load of life. In order for this to happen, it is going to take intentional effort. Choose today to invest in your spouse.