Sermon Tone Analysis

INTRODUCTION

Last week we began our conversation about Biblical parenting.

Oddly enough, Paul the writer of Ephesians here doesn’t have a lot of direction to give us.

You’d think with such an important topic, we’d have some more details.

But the 1st century readers already had the information they needed.

The OT had plenty of guidance on parenting that was already in action in the community.

Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, didn’t feel much of a need to re-hash, only reinforce the core concepts and motivation.

Some of the key texts that would have guided them is:

As well as many Proverbs scattered throughout the entire book.

When you couple that with the key verse we are looking at today… verse 4 you really get all the tools you need to parent your children Biblically.

DO’s and DON’Ts

This verse starts with the “don’t” and then transitions to do the “do.”

So we shall do the same.

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger

Father is “pater” in the Greek.

(PAH - TEAR*)

This word can mean both father and parents… in this case the ESV they render it as “fathers.”

The instruction here seems simple… “do not provoke your children to anger.”

Now, this is a little confusing on the surface without doing some digging, because this would seem impossible.

I mean if you enforce rules and justly punish… you’re going to make your children angry at some point.

They aren’t going to like all of your rules, and they definitely won’t like the consequences for breaking them.

So how can we aptly apply this command to our parenting relationship with our children?

How is it even possible?

Well we need to look at the Greek phrase here to get full context.

parorgizo (Pah - Throw* - Geezo)

It means “to cause someone to become provoked or quite angry.”

One Greek expert explains it like this… “it’s a prohibition the forbids excessively severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, and all forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs and sensibilities.

So plainly but… this isn’t just… hey my kid is upset because they’re grounded for a week for not meeting curfew.

This would be… all the items I just listed.

WAYS TO PROVOKE A CHILD

So, what are some ways that a parent could provoke a child?

1. OVERPROTECTION

Overprotection is just parental legalism.

We are supposed to train up our children in the Word of God.

But when we fence them in and never give them an opportunity to experience life and have freedom… we will provoke them to anger.

It’s okay as parents to be cautious, but when we protect without teaching them why or over extending our protection, it’s a bad thing.

Our children will become angry or even become co-dependent on our protection when they get older.

You want them to learn how to respond to the Holy Spirit and apply their decision making to their life through the Word.

Yes, they will mess up… but that’s a part of growing up.

2. FAVORITISM

Another way to provoke children is enact favoritism.

Each child is unique and has individual needs and ways they receive love from a parent, but that cannot be translated across as favoritism.

3. PUSHING UNREALISTIC ACHIEVEMENT

Two of the most common areas that parents will push unrealistic achievement is academics and athletics.

Parents sometimes can get in a mindset that crushes their children under the weight of their expectations to perform.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s healthy to encourage your children to succeed.

They should be taught to work hard and be diligent in their studies.

But if a child isn’t an A+ student that isn’t a reflection on you.

And they may just struggle in academic settings.

I’ve met a lot of people in my life that struggled in academic settings, but in the real world were brilliant.

And I’ve seen vice versa.

Of course they shouldn’t be lazy… they need to be good stewards of their educational opportunities, but… let them breathe.

Have you stopped and asked… I wonder if my child wants to be a football star, a baseball star, or something of the matter?

I wonder if they even want to play.

Sometimes kids will play sports because they feel it’s pushed on them.

Sometimes they think their value is tied to their performance.

4. DISCOURAGEMENT

Children that receive no rewards, no approval, no affection… it’s hard on them.

All children desperately want approval even if they act like it’s doesn’t mean much to them.

They want it from mom and dad the most.

Sometimes silence is deafening when they are looking for a simple word of affirmation.

5. NEGLECT

Another way is neglect.

Certainly this includes actual abandonment, but more often it’s the passive dismissal of their clear emotional needs in the moment.

A withdrawal of attention, affection or love is never a good thing.

Lack of discipline is a form of neglect.

6. INCONSISTENCY

If you are harsh one day, super relaxed the next… punish one way and then punish another, the children will not respect you… they will just be angry.

Everyone… even children like clear expectations.

These are all ways to provoke your children to anger, but there is another way that is very much an issue today that may not make this list as an obvious reason.

7. PUFF THE CHILD UP

Now, let me fully explain this before you arrive at any conclusions.

Of course I believe it’s a good thing to encourage… we just talked about that.

It’s a good thing to build confidence, to reinforce your love, and the child’s progress throughout life as they learn and grow.

But there is something our culture is doing that seems like it’s the same thing, but it’s pushed the line out so far that it’s puffing up our children, and in a lot of cases flat out putting them on pedestals.

This is all built around the lie of self-esteem.

That lie is that we are supposed to inform our children of how great they are, how good they are… how smart they are.

We are supposed to tell them they can do anything they want and be anything they want to be.

The idea is that a person with more self-esteem… a higher view of themselves will be healthier people.

But since this has become popular in the last 3-4 decades… things haven’t gotten better, they’ve gotten worse.

Suicides are at an all time high.

School shootings… underage sex, pregnancies, abortions… gender dysphoria, and on and on.

Try to find a good counselor right now… many of them have long waiting lists.

The mental health status of young people is at an all time low.

We have maybe the most entitled generation of all time.

The blue-collar work force, the back-bone of our culture are terrified at the famine of available young people that want to go into the trades.

Restaurants won’t even open their lobbies because they can only staff drive thrus.

Kids are coming out of a 4-year degree program and are refusing to work entry level jobs.

They want to be managers and earn higher salaries.

But I thought pumping their egos full of self-esteem was supposed to fix all that?

No, all it did was create a generation of people predisposed to feeling like they have to lie.

They feel they have to lie about their achievements, their capabilities… what they’re worthy of.

They feel they deserve things out of the gate that other people have had to work decades for, just because they feel they are worthy of it.

They feel entitled to have whatever money they want, whatever job they desire… that they should receive frequent high accolades.

That they deserve the highest respect on the first day of the job.

Umm… maybe that participation trophy we gave them in the 5th grade soccer team so no one would feel left out wasn’t such a good idea.

They get in the real world and they find out that not everyone gets a trophy and then it’s time to throw an adult temper tantrum.

Not their fault… they were never allowed to have the opportunity to be punished for that tantrum when it was age appropriate.

So now we have full grown adults throwing public tantrums because they were never taught that’s not okay… all because when they messed up at school mom and dad rushed in to blame everyone else except hold their own child accountable.