Fool Proof Relationships

Fool Proof Relationships As some of you know by now, I have been in management and leadership for the past 20 years. In those couple of decades, I learned that managing the books, managing the expectations of the stakeholders, and managing processes and procedures are sometimes easier than managing the people. When I was in the restaurant business, it would have been easier to run the restaurant if there were no customers, but we all know how that would've turned out. When I was in the Human Resources world, the job would've been great, if it wasn't for all those "humans." Obviously, I (mostly) kid, but I'm sure I'm not alone in that evaluation. In our current series, we are now shifting to the more topical approach to the book of Proverbs. I'll be primarily using passages this morning to understand the topic of relationships from the middle chapters of the book this morning, so if you want to follow along, that'll be a good place to open your bibles to, otherwise you can follow along on the screen. (Honestly, it may be easier to just follow along on the screen, since we'll be reviewing a lot of verses.) Before we get there, however, in Matthew 22 we read of an interaction that Jesus had with some of the Pharisees. One of them, an expert in the Law asked this question of Jesus: 36 "TEACHER, WHICH IS THE GREAT COMMANDMENT IN THE LAW?" 37 AND HE SAID TO HIM, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND. 38 THIS IS THE GREAT AND FIRST COMMANDMENT. 39 AND A SECOND IS LIKE IT: YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. 40 ON THESE TWO COMMANDMENTS DEPEND ALL THE LAW AND THE PROPHETS." I am starting with this passage today because it is foundational to the outline of the sermon, but most importantly to the topic of our sermon today, which again is on relationships. Or more specifically, "Fool Proof Relationships." Several weeks ago, when Pastor Pat opened our series, which we are calling "Fool Proof," he conceded, and I agree, that the name of the series is a bit optimistic, but "Fool Reduction" doesn't exactly have a good ring to it. And as Pastor Pat pointed out last week, we will be approaching the rest of our series topically, since the book of Proverbs isn't really organized in a way to take it chapter by chapter. As you may have already noticed, there is a lot of repetition scattered throughout the book, so for the next several weeks, we'll be jumping around a bit. Finally, before we dive in, I want to put out a disclaimer, I am no expert on the topic of relationships, nor am I even all that great at it, at times. But what I am going to do, and will encourage you all to do the same, is rely on the Scriptures this morning on this topic, and the ones I'll be sharing in the coming weeks. Based on our introductory passage from Matthew, here is the main idea I want to use the Proverbs to uncover this morning: Fool proofing my relationships begins with loving God and loving others. After spending some time on this topic this week, it was very apparent to me that relationships are predicated by how we relate to others, and how we relate to others is predicated on our relationship with the Father. This is where we will spend most of our time this morning. Relating to the Lord and Relating to others HOW TO RELATE TO THE LORD Or maybe better stated, what should our relationship look like with the Lord? The first thing, I'd argue, is to bring us back (once again) to the theme verse of Proverbs, which is found in chapter 1, verse 7: THE FEAR OF THE LORD IS THE BEGINNING OF KNOWLEDGE; FOOLS DESPISE WISDOM AND INSTRUCTION. So, the first thing we see in the Proverbs is that we need to: * Fear the Lord. o I won't spend too much time here since Pat covered it in week one, but I'll remind you how fearing the Lord was defined: * the continual awareness that our loving heavenly Father is watching and evaluating everything we think, say, and do * Or, simply put, "God is God and I am not." o Take a look at what Proverbs 19:23 says about this: * THE FEAR OF THE LORD LEADS TO LIFE, AND WHOEVER HAS IT RESTS SATISFIED; HE WILL NOT BE VISITED BY HARM. * This is a clear reminder for us that God is in complete control. Trusting Him, fearing Him allows us - as believers - to have peace. To find rest. To trust Him in all things and circumstances. * When our home was flooded back in 2013, late into Natalie's pregnancy with Gabrielle, and a job change on the horizon, we had to wholly trust the Lord, remembering that He was God, we were not. * Only through a healthy fear of God, can we accept this. o Next and closely related, * Seek the Lord. o We read in chapter 18, verse 10: THE NAME OF THE LORD IS A STRONG TOWER; THE RIGHTEOUS MAN RUNS INTO IT AND IS SAFE * The picture of a strong tower illustrates a fortress. It is a place of refuge and safety. * This is to say we are to be dependent on the Lord, as a young child is with their mother and father. * When I was recovering from my car accident in 2004, I had to humble myself as I did when I was a child, depending on my parents for help in areas I would have never imagined in my early 20's. * Being humbled reminds us of our vulnerability and dependence on the Father. In fact, Proverbs 11:2 says we gain wisdom from humility. o Next, we see that must also ... * Listen to the Lord o Proverbs 21:30 sums this up nicely: NO WISDOM, NO UNDERSTANDING, NO COUNSEL CAN AVAIL AGAINST THE LORD. * Now, this does not mean that we cannot seek the counsel of wise men, we see that here in Proverbs as well. This is to say that we should always seek God's counsel over men. o How about what we see in 16:20: WHOEVER GIVES THOUGHT TO THE WORD WILL DISCOVER GOOD, AND BLESSED IS HE WHO TRUSTS IN THE LORD. * This reminds us that we seek God's counsel in His Word o Next, we are to ... * Follow the Lord o A very clear understanding of this draws us back to a well-known passage we saw last week: 5 TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND DO NOT LEAN ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. 6 IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, AND HE WILL MAKE STRAIGHT YOUR PATHS (Proverbs 3:5-6) * When we fail to follow the Lord, we tend to lean on our own understanding, and, as we saw last week, that is something that is very un-wise. o One thing we learn from 20:24 is that it is the Lord who paves the way, and who are we to try to take over the path that has been set for us. o This is confirmed in 16:9, where Solomon says that the Lord establishes our steps. o We may not always like where the Lord is leading us. We may not always even know where the Lord is leading us, but we have the responsibility, in faith, to follow the path He has set before us. * After I recognized and answered the call to ministry, I had three jobs in between then and now, one in a very different direction than what I was used to and comfortable with. But, as I look back, I can recognize God's leading. I just had to trust Him and follow His lead. Obviously, there is much more that we can address on this topic of How to Relate to the Lord, but the second half of Jesus' words to the pharisees also commanded that we love others. So, let's spend some time there. HOW TO RELATE TO OTHERS Chapter 18 is filled with a lot of great wisdom on this topic. We'll discuss four general topics from this chapter that will helps us relate to others. Now, you may have expected me to break this down into categories, such as spouses, children, the workplace, etc., but I am convinced that these are universal to each and every relationship we have or encounter, even those brief interactions with strangers. First, * Be humble o I used to train supervisors and entry level managers. One of the common threads I discussed with them is the strong leadership trait of humility. o Solomon put it this way in chapter 18: BEFORE DESTRUCTION A MAN'S HEART IS HAUGHTY, BUT HUMILITY COMES BEFORE HONOR. (18:12) o Think about the example of Christ. We read these familiar words in Philippians 2: 3 DO NOTHING FROM SELFISH AMBITION OR CONCEIT, BUT IN HUMILITY COUNT OTHERS MORE SIGNIFICANT THAN YOURSELVES. 4 LET EACH OF YOU LOOK NOT ONLY TO HIS OWN INTERESTS, BUT ALSO TO THE INTERESTS OF OTHERS. 5 HAVE THIS MIND AMONG YOURSELVES, WHICH IS YOURS IN CHRIST JESUS, 6 WHO, THOUGH HE WAS IN THE FORM OF GOD, DID NOT COUNT EQUALITY WITH GOD A THING TO BE GRASPED, 7 BUT EMPTIED HIMSELF, BY TAKING THE FORM OF A SERVANT, BEING BORN IN THE LIKENESS OF MEN. 8 AND BEING FOUND IN HUMAN FORM, HE HUMBLED HIMSELF BY BECOMING OBEDIENT TO THE POINT OF DEATH, EVEN DEATH ON A CROSS. (Philippians 2:3-8) o Well-known pastor Rick Warren said it this way: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." o You see, in our relationships with others, putting them first can strengthen that relationship. o You'll see here momentarily that humility really does allow for these next several areas that influence our relationships. We see next, we must also ... * Listen to others o Staying in chapter 18, verse 13 states: o IF ONE GIVES AN ANSWER BEFORE HE HEARS, IT IS HIS FOLLY AND SHAME. (18:13) o One of the things that irritate me more than most things is when people talk over one another in a group setting or meeting. For me, it displays a lack of concern or respect for the person speaking. o What about when you're speaking to an employee or your child, and they don't acknowledge or respond? * In Culinary school, when the Chef spoke, we all responded with "Yes, Chef!" or "heard!" * It is a sign of respect for that person. o But what about the life of a follower of Jesus? The proverb we just read enforces what many would call active listening. This requires that we allow the speaker to finish his or her thought, then respond accordingly. o This might mean for you and me that we are listening to other Christians. Those in authority. Our spouses. Our parents. And as you know, listening requires action. o Closely related, we also can ... * Learn from others o In the opening verses of chapter 18, we see a warning against isolation: o WHOEVER ISOLATES HIMSELF SEEKS HIS OWN DESIRE; HE BREAKS OUT AGAINST ALL SOUND JUDGMENT. A FOOL TAKES NO PLEASURE IN UNDERSTANDING, BUT ONLY IN EXPRESSING HIS OPINION (18:1-2) * Isolation, according to this verse, results in several issues: * The person seeks his own desires * Has poor judgement * Does not take the time to understand * Only interested in his or her own opinion * People accuse Christians of being close-minded, but this verse clearly states that we must be open to listen and learn from others. * Hearing and seeking other opinions could further solidify your point of view on a topic. Consider what the proverbs says in verse 15: o AN INTELLIGENT HEART ACQUIRES KNOWLEDGE, AND THE EAR OF THE WISE SEEKS KNOWLEDGE. (18:15) * I've shared this before, but I read a book by J.P. Moreland called "Love Your God with All Your Mind" based off of Romans 12:1-2 and the passage we read earlier, Matthew 22:37-39. In his book, he challenges the Christian to "use their mind to not only win others to Christ but also to experience personal spiritual growth." * While this can be accomplished with personal study, it is essential to our growth to grow with others. * Recall Hebrews 10:24-25 and Genesis 2:18, where we see that the gathering of the saints is essential, and where God created woman because "IT IS NOT GOOD THAT THE MAN SHOULD BE ALONE." * It is when we are with others that we can learn from one another, and even teach others in healthy community. o It is also essential that we have the right people around us, as we see in verse 24 of chapter 18: * A MAN OF MANY COMPANIONS MAY COME TO RUIN, BUT THERE IS A FRIEND WHO STICKS CLOSER THAN A BROTHER (18:24) * This is a warning against those "bad influences" that we sometimes surround yourself with. o I became a Christian when I was entering my senior year of high school. Gratefully, I satisfied all graduation requirements a semester early, so I didn't need to attend the final quarter of the year. o This proved to be very beneficial to me, since I was able to separate myself from some of those bad influences in my life and focus my attention on growing my faith. * This verse reminds us that we need to narrow our circle down to a few solid people that will not only encourage you, but also lift you up. Again, reminiscent of Hebrews 10. * Next, in our relationships, we must ... * Control the tongue o What comes out of our mouths - our tone and words - are connected to the heart of a person. Jesus confirms this in Mark 7, where we read: 20 WHAT COMES OUT OF A PERSON IS WHAT DEFILES HIM. 21 FOR FROM WITHIN, OUT OF THE HEART OF MAN, COME EVIL THOUGHTS, SEXUAL IMMORALITY, THEFT, MURDER, ADULTERY, 22 COVETING, WICKEDNESS, DECEIT, SENSUALITY, ENVY, SLANDER, PRIDE, FOOLISHNESS. 23 ALL THESE EVIL THINGS COME FROM WITHIN, AND THEY DEFILE A PERSON." o Here is what the Proverbs say about the "tongue:" * DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE, AND THOSE WHO LOVE IT WILL EAT ITS FRUITS. (18:21) * Paul makes it clear in Ephesians 4 regarding the importance of building up, not tearing down others in speech. * James 3 also speaks on this subject, focusing on the impact of the tongue. o A couple chapters back, Solomon says that bad speech is like a scorching fire, and James agrees. o When we look here, in the Proverbs, and what see from Paul and James, it is clear that what we say matters. o I came across a short list on a Christian Counseling site on how to tame your tongue: * Dedicate you heart, mind, and tongue to the Lord, daily * Pray that God would give you an awareness/consciousness of your words * Surrender up your "right" to complain * Ask for forgiveness for any unloving words or attitudes * Speak words that will encourage, comfort, edify, and inspire o Years ago, a resort where I worked began luxury service training. One of the things that we spoke about during training was practicing the verbal and body language, the behaviors and habits at all times, not just in front of the customer. So, we began to see more luxury styled verbiage and actions in the back hallways and kitchens and laundry rooms to help us to keep these things in front of us and make it a habit. o We need to do that with our speech as well. Speaking in a way that exhibits our love for God's most treasured creation, mankind. Notice how none of these we spoke about changing the minds or hearts of others, rather the focus was on how you and I relate to people. That is foundational in fool proof relationships. Hopefully you have seen this morning that: Fool proofing my relationships begins with loving God and loving others. Since this sermon has been heavy on application, I'll leave you with one final thought: Be intentional in all that you do. * When we intentionally put God first, we can have peace and rest, even in the most difficult times. * When we intentionally put others before ourselves, we are showing them love and respect, and in doing so honoring God. As I stated earlier, I am by far no expert, nor have I mastered what I have spoken about this morning, but I am confident that if you and I begin to work through some of these actions that we spoke about today, and do it intentionally, we will begin to see some significant improvements in our relationships. Are you ready to be more intentional? Let's pray. 2