Family 1

Marriage 1,

God’s Purpose of Marriage

God has purposed marriage to reflect the covenant of love He has made with His people.

Genesis 2:18, 21-25

READ - Ephesians 5:22-33

Pray

Opener - Marriage is tough.

I am blessed to have a marriage that is at peace.

It has not always been that way, Susan and I during our first year of marriage did not have a peaceful year.

When you take 2 sinful selfish people, stick them in the same house, and tell them to love each other and get along you are going to have some challenges.

We had challenges - our first year there were many arguments.

BUT

Despite the challenges marriage, Marriage is a great gift from God.

Transition - There are many purposes to marriage. But first I would like to address what the purpose of marriage is not.

1. What the purpose of marriage is not.

Marriage is not meant to ...

-Fill the spiritual void in your heart - created for God

-Our current culture uses romance and sex as a drug to numb them from their spiritual angst & conviction of sin.

Illustration - It is easy to fall prey to the idea that if I am in a romantic relationship, that I will be happy.

A typical romance movie usually goes something like this...

A man and woman who once dated, rediscover each other after several years apart.

They meet again after he comes back to town to fix up his mother’s old house.

The problem is that the main character, the girl, has a long term boyfriend.

But the boyfriend is sketchy and the girls best friend tells her that she is just settling.

The main character (the woman) isn’t sure if she should stay with sketchy boyfriend and hold out for marriage or break up & move on.

Her old flame who is now occasionally showing up at the flower shop where she works gives her hope for true love.

Then in this made for TV movie, there are moments of tension as the girl has to make a choice between these 2 men.

Finally, She chooses the old boyfriend , breaks up with the sketchy guy, and has true love.

She finds happiness because she is treasured enough to be pursued by a good man. She feels valuable.

He, the man feels valued. Why? The kind of woman that He likes accepts Him.

There is an unspoken message sent - You are beautiful enough, you are good enough, you have what it takes to be worthy of love.

Many times this message is stuffed in the place God has created for Himself.

Hear what God says:

-You are beautiful enough because you are my special creation.

-You are good enough because Christ has placed His righteousness on you.

-You are worthy of love because you are made in the Image of God & have value.

-Christ Followers can fall into the same trap and assume that marriage will also satisfy their spiritual emptiness.

-Marriage, Romance, and sex is not meant to fill the void in your heart God made for Himself.

Transition - Well, What is the purposes of marriage

2. The Spiritual Purposes of Marriage

There are 2 big reasons God created marriage.

They probably are not what you think.

1st reason God created marriage is - so you would...

A. Understand how to relate to God.

-When you consider that the #1 purpose of your life is to bring glory to God, it makes sense that your marriages purpose - is to help you know how to understand and interact with Him.

Marriage is a picture of your relationship with God.

Read - Eph 5:22-24,

God has commanded the husband to lead in marriage, because He desires you to understand that Christ is the leader of His people.

vs. 24, God commands wives to follow the lead of their husbands because He wants you to have a picture and clearly understand that His people are to follow Him.

We have been given marriage so we will better understand how we are to relate to God.

Marriage gives us a construct in having a relationship with God.

There is a great challenge -

There are no perfect husbands. All husbands are broken leaders.

Your pastor is a broken and imperfect leader in his marriage.

That doesn’t mean that you should give up leading.

What it does mean is that you should lead with greater humility, knowing that the ones you lead have to follow an imperfect leader.

-There is another challenge for us husbands.

We are to love our wives like Jesus loves the church.

Husbands, We are commanded to have a perfect sinless compassionate unconditional love for our wives at all time.

-Husbands, we must confess - as much as we try, selfishness finds a way in.

-Jesus has perfect self sacrificing love that knows no selfish agenda.

-Jesus always leads with the goal of His Fathers glory and our good.

-As Husbands we must lead the same way.

-For the Fathers glory and our wives good.

There is another problem. This problem relates to wives.

-There are no perfect wives. No perfect followers of husbands.

-In fact, Genesis 3:16,

Part of the curse on Eve after Adam and Eve sinned,

“16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.””

-This verse points to the fact that wives will want to be the leader in the relationship.

-Part of the curse of the sin nature is that you will desire to take the God given roll away from your husband.

-Husbands, because you have smart and conscientious wives, it’s easy to allow them to lead out - because they’ll do a solid job.

Let’s be very honest -

When you’ve had tension in your marriage relationship, some of it has been over the amount of power & influence in decision making, the other one desires to have. We want our voice heard & followed.

However, when we are living holy obedient lives … in line with scripture.

...Marriage reflects the covenant of love God has made with His people.

God gave us marriage first to help us understand how to relate to God.

He gave you marriage first for a spiritual reasons.

Transition - The second spiritual reason God gave you marriage is this.

He gave your marriage not to make you happy, but to make you holy.

B. Marriage is given to make me holy.

Illustration - When Susan and I were first married one of the things I had to adjust to was someone always having eyes on me. You say, well what did you have to hide? Nothing. But when you are alone you can have a bad day and act out and it doesn’t effect anyone. When you are married and live together and you act out - it effects your spouse.

-When I was married, someone all the time saw my imperfections. Even the small ones.

-There was constant accountability. It wasn’t comfortable. Sometimes it’s still not comfortable.

-When you have children the eye on you multiply.

-Here is God’s grace.

Marriage forces you to regularly evaluate your attitude and actions.

In Marriage your selfishness and bad habits have to be quickly dealt with because they cause hurt.

In marriage relationally weak areas are forced to grow, so that the marriage can grow and be strong.

-You and I get stretched.

-We have to depend on God in new ways that we would not have had to if we were single.

-The challenge of marriage pushes us toward holiness.

Illustration - When we make a commitment to get in shape and we stop the bad habits of poor eating and staying up late, it’s uncomfortable.

You like your 9pm bowl of ice cream. (For some of us it really shows.)

When you start working out again, it’s uncomfortable. For the first month you are sore and tired.

In the end, you are happy you made the choices to get in better shape.

You feel better, you have more energy, your body works right.

Sometimes the changes that marriage demands are uncomfortable, but they grow us in healthiness and holiness.

God gave us marriage not to make us happy, but to make us holy.

Transition So, far we have seen that God gave us marriage first with spiritual purpose.

God has purposed marriage to reflect the covenant of love He has made with His people.

Next we see the personal and relational purpose of marriage.

-We see the need for intimacy being met.

God said in Genesis, it is not good for man to be alone.

Man needed to have a wife, not just because he needed a hang around buddy.

-A dog could have done that.

He needed Intimacy

3. Marriage provides intimacy

There is a whole book of the Bible on sexual intimacy - the Song of Solomon.

I will discuss in more detail physical intimacy next week.

-Relational intimacy, God created you for relational intimacy.

Illustration -

-Nature gives us all kinds of examples of relational closeness.

-Many animals live in groups. If a social animal, like a dolphin, is isolated it causes it stress and is more prone to sickness & disease.

The social animal weakens when not in contact with other animals.

For humans, even introverts are made to be in relationship with others.

God has placed Christ followers in the church.

He purposed you to be in spiritual relationship with others.

Christ Followers need other Christ Followers.

Spiritual intimacy with others helps you stay spiritually healthy.

-With your spouse, you need relationship intimacy, physical intimacy, and spiritual intimacy.

-You need to be that kind of spouse that is gentle, gracious, kind, and loving. The kind of person who someone would want to share their fears, hurts, dreams, and spiritual walk with.

-Differently, Some of you in this room are like me. You have a gracious spouse, but you simply struggle to share what is going on inside you.

If that is you, you may be the block to greater intimacy.

You must also learn to be that person who shares what is going on - on the inside.

If it is hard to share your thoughts and feelings, challenge yourself to work on it.

God provided a place for intimacy in marriage.

Let me tell you a little secret.

As you learn to share your private thoughts with God, you will be better able to share with your spouse.

As you learn to share your private thoughts with your spouse, you’ll be better at sharing your private thoughts with God.

God has purposed marriage to reflect the covenant of love He has made with His people. He wants you to be intimate with Him.

Transition

Why does intimacy work in marriage?

Because their is commitment in the relationship.

4. -Marriage is a Covenant and commitment.

-At your wedding ceremony you made a promise to each other. For almost all of us here, we promised to death do us part. We covenanted ourself together.

Matthew 19:4-6 “4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.””

It wasn’t just us who brought ourselves together, but God brought you and your spouse together in a covenant.

Malachi 2:14 Tells men that not only is our wife our companion, but she is our wife by covenant.

-We have promised, we have pledged ourself to her.

-The married couple has made a promise not only to one another, but also to God. - To be commited to each other.

Matthew 19:6 tells us, “…What God has brought together, let not man separate.”

God intended this marriage covenant be lifelong.

God’s purpose is for you to never leave your spouse.

How can I sure up my commitment and covenant with my spouse?

Many ways. Let me suggest 4.

1. -First, choose to follow God daily. Recommit yourself to Him daily.

Nothing effects your relationship with your spouse like you walk with Jesus.

2. -Choose to love your spouse daily. Love is a feeling and a choice.

3. -Choose to forgive daily.

4. -Choose to keep your affections pointed toward your spouse when your flesh tempts you to point your affections other places.

Illustration - Jack Laymen, infatuated with another woman.

-One of my college professors told a story about he and his wife first assignment on the mission field in Africa. He was part of a team of missionaries.

Another missionary woman who was very attractive was on the team.

He found himself becoming infatuated with her. Having feelings.

So, he made the decision to not follow his feelings and avoid her as much as possible.

To re-focus his affections on his wife.

Transition - Why did he not get into an affair and leave his wife?

Why did he redirect his affection and energy to his wife?

He was committed to the covenant of marriage.

Transition - He was committed to the unconditional love of marriage.

This is our final point today.

5. -The unconditional love of marriage

What is unconditional love?

I Corinthians 13:4-7 “4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Unconditional love is a love that is commited to act like Jesus despite the challenges, ugliness, and struggles that life brings.

When you first get married your spouse seems almost perfect. You are so passionate and taken by this person that their hang ups and sin seem minor and easy to dismiss.

One of the beauties of marriage is that over time you begin to see your spouse for who he or she really is.

Illustration - I’ve bought several used cars in my lifetime. The dealer has a wonderful way of touching up the scratches, nicks and imperfections. Over time, the cover up wears off. What the car really is gets exposed.

Unconditional Love - Chooses to love in spite of the imperfections. In spite of the disappointing sin, despite of not meeting expectations, despite of their past.

So many people think, “If others knew who I really was, with all my faults and hang ups, they would reject me.”

UNconditonal love chooses to love, even when another falls short.

Gospel - Isn’t that exactly was Jesus did for you on the cross.

Jesus chose to love you when you fell short.

-When you were sinful, pushing against God’s way with your selfishness, God still loved you.

-On the cross, Jesus served you.

-He loved you before you even asked for it.

-He paid for your sin.

-Your marriage is purposed to reflect to others the Gospel.

-Christ has chosen to love you. He has poured out his grace & forgiveness on you.

-You are to pour out your grace and forgiveness on others.

-You are called to love and serve others before they even ask.

-Whether or not they deserve it.

As we close

Closing

Some of you listened today for the other person.

-You hoped he or she heard that.

The question is … What does God have for you today?

How is God challenging you today?

-If you are not yet married, God is challenging you to align your idea of marriage with His plan for marriage.

-If you are married there is probably at least 1 thing that God has highlighted for you today. Will you follow Him in that?

-Maybe you’re older, and have been married. God is calling on you to encourage and pray for someone in our church.

We must remember this -

God has purposed marriage to reflect the covenant of love He has made with His people.