Sermon Tone Analysis

A Marriage Made in Heaven

Open your Bibles with me to Ephesians chapter 5, lets begin reading in the 21st verse.

A Marriage Made In Heaven

Let’s pray…Lord, God, would You dismiss anything, any thought, any words, any hostility, pride, fear, or even definitions that could result in misunderstanding…dismiss it completely from our hearts, our minds, this room.

Lord we ask that you would heal, that you would instruct, and give us hearts to hear and receive instruction from you, in Jesus name, Amen.

I want to welcome you this morning, both you that are joining us in person, and those of you that are unable to be with us physically, but are with us... live, through social media.

We are thankful for each one of you that call us your people and consider this your church home.

The title of our message this morning is A Marriage Made in Heaven.

We have some people joining us today who would tell you that marriage is marvelous.

There are others that would tell you that marriage is mediocre, and sadly, there are some, that might describe marriage as being something that is quite miserable....Solomon who was the wised man to ever live, God told him...

I have given you a wise and understanding heart, so that there has not been anyone like you before you, nor shall any like you arise after you." - 1 Kings 3:12 NKJV

Solomon said essentially the same thing in Proverbs 12:4

Today, we are going to be talking about marriage, if your married pay attention, if your not married, take notes, if you’re divorced we love you and there is stuff in here for all of us, because it is a picture of Christ and the church....and no you don’t have Solomon here this morning teaching, it’s just me, but fortunately for you, when it comes to marriage, I’m what they call an expert.

Expert - I know, it’s impressive.

Some of you act surprised, or have the look of doubt like I’m pulling your leg, look how surprised Nicole is hearing this!

I looked up expert and it says - a person who has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge of.... OR skill in a particular area.

So you can have a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge, an experiential knowledge OR skill, so you don’t have to be good at something to be an expert in the world’s definition, you just have to study it... or do it for a long time.

I’ve been married for over 30 years!

OK, I don’t want to brag.....but, I actually could be considered what they call a Functional Expert - they usually have specific knowledge of a particular area or, are a specialist on a topic within the field.

They are someone who has had training and development, continuous practice, and relevant experience.

I probably could have been considered a functional expert, having knowledge of a specific area pertaining to the wife’s role in marriage for about the first 5 years I was married.

I knew so much about what Nicole was supposed to do and what she wasn’t supposed to do....It took me a while to get past verse 22, and read the rest of the chapter.

Since then, I have learned so much about marriage from being married.

I found out from being married that I’m a very selfish person.

That I prefer to put myself before others.

That there is more pride in me than God desires, and He hates it, and I learned that through wanting my wife’s respect when I didn’t deserve it.

God has used my marriage to change me.

I don’t know how many of you guys know this, but Nicole’s first marriage, well she got married when she was really young.

It was a college romance, a guy with a world of potential, studying to be a psychologist.

He was going to work with teens and then eventually go into private practice and be wealthy, maybe help some people, but mostly wealthy, and honestly the guy was kind of a jerk.

And by the grace of God, for better and for worse, she stayed married to him…and God used marriage to change us both, and make us more like Jesus.

See one of the things I don’t want you to miss is that this union that God created is supposed to be a real life example to the world of the relationship between Jesus, the Bridegroom, and His bride, the church.

So lets walk through the passage together.

Our passage begins with verse 21…Eph 5:21

I read this in closing last week because what ends up happening far too often is the next verse wife submit to your husbands is usually one sermon, Husbands love your wives is another, Children and parents another, bondservants and masters another, and we miss the context that this all falls under.

It all starts with this command to submit to one another in the fear of God.

And, as I shared last week it doesn’t mean to just take turns making decisions.

You’re the boss today, and I’m the boss tomorrow, but rather it is a recognition that God is a God of order and He has some things to say about that order.

It is very similar to what Jim shared last in Philippians last time...

"3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

- Philippians 2:3-4 NKJV

IN the book of Hebrews we are told to submit to the spiritual authorities that are put over you, Romans and 1 Peter tell us to submit to governing authorities, children to parents, employees to bosses, and verse 22, Ephesians 5:22

A couple of reminders here... this section is God’s blueprint for a Christian marriage, a marriage made in Heaven, that is supposed to be a picture of the relationship that Jesus has with the church.

So He starts with the women, spends most of the time with the women, but that does not mean that they are the bulk of the problem.

Quick question ladies, in the world, in the general population of the United States, is the idea of wives submitting to your husbands politically correct?

Well at the time this passage was written, it was very politically, societal, even religiously incorrect, but not in the way you might think.

See they were a very patriarchal society.

Imagine if someone asked you who your father was and instead of saying Brian Eggert, or Jim Braley, you’d start with Abraham who is the father of us all, who begot Issac, who begot....

Oh, and then it also wasn’t saying submit to the guy that you fell in love with, that you picked out, and chose to marry,... in this society, mom and dad chose who you were going to marry... with little or no input from you.

Now that’s tough.

Let me ask you another question.

Would it change anything for you if the word submit wasn’t in verse 22? Well here’s something you’ve probably never heard in church before…even though it’s not italicized here, the word submit is not is several of what is considered the best of the original Greek manuscripts, apparently a woman was in charge of deciding which ones were the best ones and which ones were the worst ones.

The bad news is, that even though that radically changes the feel of the verse,... it doesn’t change the meaning.

SO with that reading, it is like, hey gang, submit to one another in the fear of the lord, and ladies that applies to your own husbands as well, as under the Lord.

That feels different, but you can see, the order is still there, it just defines is as your own husband, not your neighbor’s husband, or anyone else’s husband.

Verse 23 begins Paul’s explanation or the reasons that he gives...

He gives both the reasons, and lays out who is accountable before God, with headship comes responsibility, and with responsibility....accountability or blame before the Lord.

Are you ready for the really politically incorrect verse?

That was radical!

Patriarchal society, women were subject to men, to all men, in all areas!

They were uneducated, were considered unequal, remember part of the issue of the women running back from the tomb of Jesus to tell everyone that He had risen was that they were not given the credibility to testify in court or any other venue for that matter.

And now Paul, this guy that was trained to be Jewish Rabbi, is telling men to love their wives…and not just in an emotional way.

The word here is agape.

IF you want the best definition of that, read 1 Cor 13 all of it.

For our purposes, it is not emotions, it is willfully putting another before yourself, choosing them first.

Got questions.org says, “God’s agape love is unmerited, gracious, and constantly seeking the benefit of the ones He loves.”

In this verse is says just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her…that is sacrificial.

That is pursuing them first, loving them first, even when they don’t love us.

Remember what Jesus said…the Son of man didn’t come to be served, but to serve....remember Him removing His outer garment, tying a towel around His waste, filling a basin with water and washing the feet of his disciples…even Judas’ feet.

See loving your wives, like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her means serving her, not being served by her…even when you don’t want to, even when aren’t feeling it.

See that is really when love, agape love is required.

Like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, asking the Father, not once, not twice, but three times, if there is any other way, let this cup pass from Me.

What does that tell me?

Jesus wasn’t really wanting to go to the cross, but He did it giving Himself for the church.

Husbands, love your wives like that.

Eph 5:26-27

remember this is tied to what Jesus does for the church, it does not mean that the husband can spiritually cleanse the wife, or forgive her sins.

It does mean that unlike the wife to the husband, he is responsible for her spiritual growth or stagnation.

He is to foster an environment that provides everything possible for here to spiritually thrive and to grow.

He must answer to God for any and all roadblocks that his leadership or lifestyle puts in the way of her growing as a Christian.

Let that sink in, that’s not politically correct today is it.

Right now the church is being prepared to be presented to the Bridegroom, that Jesus would have a holy bride without blemish.

Men and women together, we as Christians make up the church the Bride of Christ as one body, as Nick reminded the men yesterday, we’re to pray for each other in the same way we pray for ourselves....without ceasing and without losing heart because we are one body.

That is what Paul is talking about here…continuing with verse 28...

Notice he doesn’t say just like their own bodies, or in the same way, because they are one body like it says over and over again in the bible concerning the one flesh union of marriage.

Eph 5:29-31

then check this out…Eph 5:32

Amen, marriage is a great mystery, but then he says, I’m talking about Christ and the church, that incredible Marriage made in Heaven.

We are to fully submit to Christ as our head, and He has perfectly loved us, before we loved Him.

He actually takes us full circle here back to the beginning of the letter in chapter 1. Eph 1:22-23

as the Bride of Christ we are the Body of Christ…last verse Eph 5:33

Let the husband love his wife and notice the word substitution here ladies, see that the wife respects her husband.

For the men it stays the same, apparently, God didn’t want to confuse us, or give room for any loop holes, Love her as Christ loved the church, serve her, not be served by her.

Love her, don’t Lord over her, be a man that it is easy to trust as having her best interest at heart.

As she submits to Christ as part of the church, you recognize her submission to you is the result of her following Christ, that doesn’t come natural.

Ladies, he concludes this section with a command for you, that you can’t possibly understand the importance of, because you’re not a guy.

Everything inside the wiring of a man, is tied to respect.

This is going to sound weird, but to him, it’s more important than love.

There has never been a case of road rage that started with did you see that guy drive by…AND NOT LOVE ME?