The Icebreaker
THE ICEBREAKER
What is an Icebreaker?
An icebreaker is a simple question that helps people feel comfortable in a group setting. An icebreaker helps individuals to focus on others. This sets a good tone for a small group or cell group meeting.
Why use an Icebreaker?
Icebreakers are vital to the growth of a small group. People don't quickly divulge needs and hurts in a group setting. They have to practice sharing and learn that it's safe to share deep things. Without icebreakers, your group won't have the freedom to share openly about difficult issues.
Consider an icebreaker as the first step in preparation for swimming. If you don't learn simple breathing techniques, you'll be frightened and drown! Small group gatherings are no different. If you want your group to dive into deep issues, the regular use of an icebreaker will be a great "big toe in the water."
Icebreakers also help you learn things about your cell members that you might never discover otherwise. At the start on one meeting, the cell leader asked, "What was your favorite toy as a child?" Most shared about toys like G.1. Joe or a special car or doll. One woman said, "I grew up in Germany during WW II and at that time I did not have a toy. I lived with my sister in an underground tunnel." As the group began expressing sympathy for her plight, she said, "I didn't need a toy. I had my sister." It may have taken months for this shy woman to share this way. Yet, with this simple question the group saw a new side of her life.
How Long Should Icebreakers Take?
There are thousands of questions you can ask a group of people, but only a few will achieve the right goals for your group. When your group is new, choose icebreakers that will introduce the history of each member (brothers and sisters, the kind of car the family had while growing up, etc.) and questions that will help everybody feel at ease. ("If you were a cucumber, what kind of pickle would you want to be when you grew up?")
The deciding factor is the depth of relationship in the room. If you've been together for a few months, a serious question such as, "What's the biggest thing that happened to you last week?" is quite appropriate.
How to Facilitate a Good Icebreaker
The best way to facilitate a good icebreaker is to share the question and then answer it within the time limit. Then turn to the person on your right or left and give them an opportunity to share. This does two things: models the time limit and gives a good example of an answer. Most folks catch on after one or two responses and don't have to ask for clarification.
Always move around the circle person by person, and ask everyone to hold additional comments until after the meeting. This tells talkers that they can answer the icebreaker only one time. It also gives quiet people permission to share so that they are not the last folks to answer the question every week.
Give people permission to "pass" so they won't feel as thought they're being put on the spot. Some people need more "prep" or "thinking" time than others. (Remember, speaking in front of a group is 94% of all people's greatest fear.) Then, when everyone else has answered, ask those who passed whether they'd like to answer. Most will.
The icebreaker is also one of the best parts of the meeting to delegate to a group member. It's easy to share this part of the meeting. Inviting others to lead part of the meeting creates ownership among group members.
How to Handle the Unexpected During an Icebreaker
What do you do when someone blurts out something really heavy during the icebreaker? ("I lost my job." "My father did yesterday." "My husband walked out on me.") Thank the person for sharing such a deep need right away. Then say that you'd like to pray for him or her just after a time of worship, when the cell members are able to minister better. This way you won't enter a ministry time before preparing your heart, and the entire meeting (and maybe subsequent meetings) won't focus on just one person.
What if someone shares something inappropriate about a spouse, parent or church member during the icebreaker? These are very embarrassing moments! Tell the person that this might not be the best time or place to share this kind of issue. Then turn to the whole group and say, "This group is a safe place. Here you are loved an no word or action can make us dislike you." Display unconditional love. Then move on as quickly as you are able. There's nothing more embarrassing than dwelling on it.
Occasionally a simple question can hit on deep hurts and needs. You may ask a simple question like, "How many brothers and sisters do you have, and where did you grow up as a child?" After three or four responses one of the ladies in the group begins to cry, jumps up sobbing and leaves. You remember that her sister had died about a year ago. Outwardly she seemed to be coping well, inwardly she was still privately grieving. You feel horrible, she's offended at you insensitivity. Apologize and never assign blame. Take the blame for her unresolved issue, never making her feel wrong or "less than" for her feeling and reaction. Even so, it will probably take several weeks for your relationship with her to regain equilibrium.
Plan your icebreaker in advance, after prayer and thoughtfulness. Bounce it off of a spouse, intern, host or friend. They may be thinking about people's feelings when you are not, or may know or sense something you have noticed. (The more choleric or extroverted you are the more people you need to bounce it off of.)
Take Time to Train Others!
When you're teaching others how to do this part of the meeting (and you should be), ask them to watch you and give you feedback after the meeting. Then, give one of them the icebreaker the following week and visit afterward about how it was handled and what needs improvement.
After a couple of times, they will tell you what they would have done better or how great it went. It's not hard to give away the icebreaker if you model the right way. It's on-the-job training, and it's the easiest part of the meeting to delegate to an emerging leader, a child, a quiet spouse or a newcomer. (not a first time newcomer, though)
Bad Icebreakers
Bad icebreakers invite people to reveal the hurts and sins of others in the room, group, family, or church or are inappropriate or too personal for a group setting. If you lead off your group meeting with a question that is inappropriate ("Share the thing you hate most about the person on your left") or "too close for comfort", you members won't answer truthfully or they'll "pass".
If you're not sure whether the question is appropriate, ask. If anyone rejects it, ask a better question. The last thing you want to do is alienate your group members in the first five minutes of your meeting.
10 Icebreakers NEVER to Use!
1. What is the biggest stronghold in your life right now?
2. What is one secret you have never told your spouse?
3. Tell us about the time in your life when you felt like a great failure. 4. What event in King David's life can you relate to the most?
(Or any other Bible knowledge question that would alienate people.)
5. What is one thing you would like to change about the person
on your right?
6. What is the worst name you have ever been called?
7. Turn to the person on your left, and tell us how he or she could be a
better person (or Christian or husband, wife, child)
8. Name a sin of someone in the room so we can pray for that person.
9. What gossip have you heard this week?
10. What one thing do you hate about our church? (Pastor, Praise
team, elder, etc.)
It's Your Turn
There are no bad answers to good icebreakers. They lead to laughter, tears, understanding, insight, and above all intimacy. Intimacy in a small group begins with an introduction, a handshake, a smile, a welcome and an icebreaker. Have FUN! ! ! ! !
Light-Hearted and Welcoming
1. What is the most fulfilling work you've ever done?
2. What is your worst haircut/hairdo story? (2 min. limit)
3. What's the best gift you received as a child?
4. Share one of your strengths.
5. Who was your favorite childhood friend? Why?
6. What is your favorite insect?
7. Complete the following: "People might be surprised to find out that I ." (Short of a transsexual member, you're relatively safe with this one.)
8. What would you do if you could take a day off work this week?
9. What's your favorite scar on your body? How did you get it?
IO.What is the most expensive gift someone has given you?
II. As a child, who was your favorite babysitter?
12. Name a vehicle that best describes you and explain why.
13. Describe yourself using a symbol. (A pen & paper will be needed.) 14.Does your name have a special meaning? Were you named after someone special?
15. Which of the following restrictions could you best tolerate:
Leaving the country permanently, or never leaving the state in which
you now live?
16. When was the last time you did something for the first time?
17. Which of your clothes are your favorites?
18. Describe your week by using a car engine analogy (i.e. overheated,
cruising, idling, etc.)
19. What is the best compliment you have ever received?
20. Who was your hero when you were growing up? How did you try to imitate him or her?
21. Who was the most interesting person who ever visited you or your family?
22. What is one thing you like about your life? 23.If someone were to ask you a question guaranteed to get you talking, what would that question be?
24. What was the first trip you remember taking with your family and what
do you remember most about it?
25. What was your first nickname?
26. If you could take a pill that would enable you to live until you reach
1,000 years old, would you do it? Why or why not?
27. Which actor or actress would best play you?
28. What is your favorite hobby or sport, and how did you get started?
29. What are three of your favorite activities?
30. Whom do you respect the most?
3I. Describe your week in colors.
32. Have you ever wanted to trade lives with another person? With whom?
33. What was your funniest dream?
34. What's your favorite kind of pillow (feather, flat, body or throw)
35. What's your favorite store? Which is your favorite aisle?
36. What's your favorite seat in an airplane (front, back, window, aisle, middle )?
37. When and how did you learn to drive an automobile?
38. What animal best describes your personality?
39. Have you ever had a favorite outfit (clothes) that others thought was ugly?
40. What's the longest phone conversation you have ever had and with whom were you speaking?
41. Which shoe do you put on first?
42. What ability do you possess that you like the most?
43. Who is your favorite detective of all time?
44. Describe your favorite family pet from anytime in your life.
45. What's the best thing that happened to you during the last year?
46. Do you exercise regularly? Why or why not?
47. Do you put the grocery cart back when you go to the supermarket? Why
or why not?
48. I am most like my Dad in that I _____________
49. I am most like my Mom in that I _____________
50. What is your favorite junk food?
51. Who was your first friend and how long were your friends?
52. Share on affirming thing about the person to your right.
53. When you were sick as a child, how did your parents make you feel better?
54. What would be your ideal vacation?
55. What is your favorite comic strip?
56. What is your favorite television show?
57. What is your favorite book?
58. What kind of music do you listen to in the car?
59. What's the best thing for you to do when you feel yourself becoming angry?
60. What is your favorite time of the day and why?
61. Using a fruit or vegetable, describe your life this week. (dried fig, ripe
cantaloupe, smashed banana, hot jalapeno, sour grapes, etc.)
62. What does your dream car look like?
63. Name three activities you like to do with your friends.
64. Describe your "perfect" evening out.
65. If your electricity went out for a week, what would you miss the most?
66. What is your most treasured memory?
67. Complete the following: "Just for fun, before I die I'd like to
68. Which animal best describes your mood right now?
69. How much did you pay for the shoes you are wearing?
70. Name your favorite U.S. President. Why is he your favorite?
71. Tell us about the first toy you remember.
72. What was the first family car you remember? What do you still remember about it?
73. What is the best advice you have ever received?
74. What is the best meal you've ever eaten?
75. What is the worst meal you've ever eaten?
76. What is the best trip you've ever taken?
77. What is the worst trip you've ever taken?
78. What is the dumbest thing you ever spent money on?
79. What is the most adventurous thing you ever did?
80. What is the nicest thing anybody has ever said to you?
81. What is the oldest piece of clothing that you still wear?
82. What is the smallest amount of money you mad per hour on any job?
83. What is you favorite Christmas tree ornament?
84. 0n what popular magazine cover would your face most likely appear?
85. What was the favorite Christmas present you gave someone.
86. Describe your first date.
87. What is the silliest pet name you ever heard and what was the pet?
88. What do you or did you call your grandparents and why?
89. What do you have a lot of in your home?
90. What do you think you will be like in ten years?
91. When you were little, what did you want to be "when you grew up"?
92.As a child, what did you call your pet and why?
93.Use weather terminology to describe your past week.
Going Deeper
1. If you could tell your boss anything, what would it be?
2. Describe a time when either you lied to someone or someone lied to you. How did it make you feel?
3. What's the worst storm or disaster you've ever been in?
4. What did you not like about yourself as a teed that you have changed?
5. What person has impacted your life the most (cannot be God or the person who led you to Christ)?
6. What is the last totally unselfish thing someone did for you?
7. What is the last totally unselfish thing you did?
8. What is the toughest holiday you ever faced as a child and why?
9. What is your greatest need for the coming year?
10. What one smell provokes the strongest memories?
11. What was the worst career mistake you ever made?
12.What is the longest time you went without sleep? Why?
13.When somebody tells you that you are doing something wrong, what's
your reaction?
14. Would you move to a distant country for someone you love even if it means there is very little chance of seeing your family and friends again?
15. What is your most compulsive habit? How do you try to break it?
16. Where do you feel the most trapped?
17. What one thing would you change about the way you were raised?
18. What topic, if any, is too serious to be joked about?
19. What do you want to be remembered for?
20. Which of your birthdays brings back the most memories and why?
21. Whom have you recently tried to please and why?
22. You lend your best friend an item and it's returned damaged. What do you do?
23.You're in a store and you see a mother hitting a child in an abusive way. You:
a. Tell her to stop.
b. Call the police.
c. Pray.
24. After a busy day, how do you unwind?
25. Share an opportunity you had this week to become "stressed out" and how you dealt with it.
26. Tell us one thing you have learned about yourself this year.
27. If you could change anything from your past, what would it be?
28. If you could get one thing through your child's or parent's head, what would it be?
29. If you could give one piece of advice, what would it be?
30.What did you learn this week?
31. You discover you wonderful one-year-old child is not yours, due to a mix-up at the hospital. Would you exchange the child to try to correct the mistake?
32. Did you like high school? Why or why not? What would you do differently?
33. A friend is not taking care of his /her looks. Do you say so?
34. Do you like to go to parties? Why or why not?
35. How long have you ever held a grudge against someone? How did you resolve it?
36. Did your parents spank you or put you in "time out"?
37. Do you have a closer relationship with your mother or with your father? Why?
38. Do you express your feelings verbally? Why or why not?
39. What do you do with gifts you don't like?
40. When was the last time you told someone, "I love you"? Do you say, "I love you" easily?
41. Do you still ask your parents for help when you get in trouble?
42. Are you uncomfortable going to dinner or a movie alone? How about on vacation?
43. Do you usually do what you want to do, or what somebody else likes to do?
44. Have you ever been caught telling a lie? What happened?
45. How do you feel about old people? What is "old" to you?
46. How do you think people describe you?
47. Name one "old way" you've tried to get rid of.
48. You find out that your best friend is a practicing homosexual/lesbian.
What do you do?
49. If you asked your family members what you complain about most,
what would they say? Why do you complain about that?
50. Would you give up 75% of what you own for a pill that would permanently change you so that one hour of sleep each day would fully refresh you? Why?
51. Do you want to be rich? Why or why not?
52. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
53. Where do you go or what do you do when life gets stressful?
54. How do you react when someone gives you a compliment?
55. What do you like most about your life? Least?
56. Would you prefer to be blind or deaf?
57. What is your greatest joy? Sorrow? Challenge?
58. When did you last cry in front of another person? Be yourself?
59. What is the hardest thing you have ever had to tell somebody?
60. What do you respect most about your parents?
61. When you disagree with somebody do you isolate or fight it out?
62. Using the game of football as an analogy of your life, where would you put yourself: outside the park, in the grandstand, or on the field?
63. Share about the most important day of your life?
64. If your friends and family were willing to tell you what they thought of you, would you want them to? Why or why not?
A Look at the Spiritual Side of Life
1. What person would you love to see accept Christ as Savior and Lord this week?
2. How do you explain the Gifts of the Holy Spirit to somebody who doesn't believe in them?
3. How do you deal with a bad situation?
4. When did you last feel the joy of serving someone?
5. Where were you when you last prayed deeply? Did your environment help or hinder your praying?
6. What is the best thing about our church?
7. What do you like most about our Pastor?
8. Do you take a Sabbath day of rest every week?
9. Do you tell people about your past sins? Why or why not?
10. How has God used you recently?
11. What is the most meaningful thing you have done for someone else?
12. Have you ever shared a deep struggle with a close friend? How did it make you feel?
13. If you could ask Noah one question, what would it be?
14. When did you sense God's presence this week?
15. In what specific way have you grown in Christ this past month?
16. If you could pray one person to Christ this month, how much time would you dedicate to it?
17. If you could see one celebrity get saved, who would it be?
18. If you were to die tonight, would you be right with God?
19. How do you feel about tithing?
20. What does the word "hate" mean to you?
21. What is your spiritual temperature tonight (use the degrees on a thermometer to describe where you are)? Why?
22. Tell us one thing you have learned about God this year.
23. What part of your personality is God changing right now?
24. If you could ask Jesus to change one thing in the world today, what would it be?
25. What are you currently trusting God for that only He can do?
26. What does heaven look like to you?
When the Group Multiplies
1. How do you feel about multiplying?
2. What have you learned during this cell cycle?
3. What is one thing that the Lord did for you through someone else in the cell?
4. What was the hardest thing you learned during this cell cycle?
5. Give one word to describe the group's time together.
6. Does anything scare you about multiplying? What?
7. What gives you joy about multiplying?
8. Have you experienced multiplication before? How is this the same or different?
9. What was the hardest stage of this cell?
10. What was the easiest stage of this cell?
11. What are you going to do differently in your next cell group?
12. What did you learn from one of your cell members during this cycle?
13. What did you learn from your cell leader that impacted you the most?
14. What act of service changed your life during this cycle?
15. Recall one moment in cell life that made a big impact on your life.
16. What did you learn about reaching out to the lost during this cycle?
17. What prayers were answered for you during this cell cycle?
18. Did you bring anybody to visit during this cell cycle? Who do you want to invite to the next cell group?
19. How long did it take the group to multiply? Are you happy with that? Could you have done anything different?
For Children, Too
1. What causes the most fights between your brothers and sisters?
2. What is your favorite board game?
3. How much TV do you watch in a week? What is your favorite show?
4. What makes you the angriest and what do you do when you're angry?
5. What do you want to be when you grow up?
6. Do you earn your own money? If so, what are you saving for?
7. How do you talk to God?
8. What is your favorite sport?
9. Which chores around the house are you responsible for?
10. What I your least favorite chore?
11. What is your favorite subject in school?
12. What is your worst subject in school?
13. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
14. What is your favorite toy?
15. What was your best vacation?
16. Have you ever told a lie, and did you get caught?
17. What is your favorite pet?
18. Are you a morning person or a night person?
19. What's the best gift you've ever been given?
20. What's the best gift you've ever given away?
21. If somebody is teasing somebody at school, do you join in, try to stop it or ignore it?
22. How do you feel about giving your money to help others or to the church?
23. If you could be any cartoon character, which one would you be and why?
24. What is the most fun thing you have ever done?
25. If you could ask God for anything, what would it be?
26. What is the best birthday party you ever had?
27. How do you feel when you get home from school?
28. If you found $20 on the street, would you tell anybody?
29. What do you like most about church?
30. When your family is arguing how does it make you feel?
31. If you could visit with an angel, what would you ask him?
32. Who is the first person who ever told you about Jesus?
What About Your Dreams?
1. What is the most fulfilling work you have ever done?
2. If you could spend the rest of your life doing exactly what you wanted, what would you do?
3. What is the one thing you want to accomplish next week?
4. A skill I would like to acquire is____________. Why?
5. Share a dream you have that has not come true… yet.
6. If you could spend an afternoon with anyone in the world, who would that person be (besides God)?
7. What is one of your goals in life?
8. What is one thing you want to accomplish in the next 5 years?
9. If you could go anywhere on a trip right now and money was no object, where would you go?
10. If you could do anything you wanted to do, what would you do?
11. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained only one quality or ability, what would it be?
12. What is your greatest need for the coming year?
13. If you had enough money to do anything you wanted, what would you do?
14. If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?
15. When you retire, what do you want to do?
16. What is your dream job?
17. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
18. Do you feel stuck in your life goals? What are you doing to get out of being stuck?
A Look at the Past
(Great for when visitors are present)
1. Where did you grow up?
2. How many people were in your family?
3. Where have you traveled?
4. What are some of the accomplishments of your life?
5. What was your family's view of God?
6. Tell us where you were born and something about where your family lived when you were young.
7. What are some great traditions in your family?
8. Which family traits have you inherited that you like? Dislike?
9. Which item that's been handed down in your family do you have?
10. Where did you go to school?
11. What was your favorite subject in school?
12. In what extra-curricular activities did you participate in school?
13. What was your first job?
14. What is the neatest thing you've ever done?
15. What is the most courageous thing you've ever done?
The Quaker Questions (To be used together)
- Where did you live between the ages of 7 and 12 and how many brothers and sisters did you have?
- What kind of transportation did your family use?
- Who was the person you felt closest to?
- When did God become more than a word to you?
What If....
1. If you were given a large amount of money, what would you do first?
2. If you were in a circus, who would you be?
3. You are at a friend's house for dinner and you find a dead bug in your salad. What do you do?
4. If you could choose the plot of the dream you will have tonight, what would it be?
5. If you house were on fire, which three items (not people) would you try to save?
6. If you had a web site that described who you are and what you are about, what would it be like? Describe it.
7. If you were told that you must join a military service, which branch would you choose?
8. If you could be the manager/coach of any professional sports team, which would you choose? Why?
9. If your family made a calendar, what picture would you put for the month of December?
10. If you were given a budget to produce a one-hour TV show, what would you do and with whom would you do it?
11. If you were stuck on a 12-hour flight to Korea, whom would you choose to sit next to you? Why?
12. If a sex offender moved in next door to you, would you move, witness, protest or just pray?
13. If a meteorite were going to hit the earth in one month, what would you do next?
14. If you were shipwrecked on a deserted island, which one tool would you want to have with you?
15. If you had a time machine that would work only once, what point in
the future or in the past would you visit?
16. If you could do anything and all of your bills were taken care of, what would you do?
17. If you had to give away one limb of your body, what would it be and why?
18. If you have two tickets to the concert of a lifetime and your best friend is sick and needs you to take care of her kids, what would you do?
19. If you were dying and you could only be with one person, who would it be?
20. If your life was a Wal-Mart store and you could exchange one thing what would you exchange and why?
21. If you could be any cartoon character, which one would you be and
why?