Commands of Christ 28: Dealing With Anger

Wednesday, October 5, 2022 Commands of Christ – 28

A Christian's Character: Dealing With Anger

Open: What do you think is the most powerful human emotion and why?

8 Ways We Normalize the Abnormal

October 04, 2022 by: Paul David Tripp

The Norm Should Be Love

God has made it clear that the norm for his children should be love. It is the thing that the listening and watching world should know us for. We should be recognized not only for the purity of our theology but also for the consistency of our love. This love is the new commandment that Jesus left with his disciples in his final days with them: “that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34). The standard for our responses to one another is not just some standard of cultural niceness or human love. The standard is nothing less than the generous, sacrificial, pure, forgiving, and faithful love that God has so graciously showered down on us in the person of his Son.

So, because of the clarity of his call to love and his promise to us of empowering grace, there are things that we cannot allow to be normalized in our everyday responses to one another.

1. The normalization of emotionally driven responses.

In our middle-of-our-sanctification imperfection, we will be hit powerfully with compelling and motivating emotions. Sometimes it will be hurt, sometimes fear, sometimes irritation, sometimes anger. If you go where those emotions lead you, you will do and say things that you should not do or say. So, if you want to live out the kind of responses God has called you to, you have to be good at saying no. I don’t mean a cancel culture “no” to other people. What I mean here is saying no to yourself.

2. The normalization of anger-driven responses.

Although I talked about anger above, I want to give it added attention.

It doesn’t take very careful observation to conclude that we are living in an angry culture. Outrage of some kind, directed at someone who has created some offense somehow and needs to pay in some way, greets us every day.

The level of hair-trigger intolerance of even minor foibles, errors, or offenses should concern us all.

We are mad, and we are about to let you know it. Be very careful of what you post or say, because there are a lot of angry readers and listeners out there who are ready to respond with vengeance.

As I have reflected on the angry state of things, the words of James have come back to me again and again: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19–20). May we be those who are known for being ready to listen, slow to speak, and not given to quick angry reactions.

3. The normalization of disrespectful responses.

The level of cruelty, dismissiveness, and downright mockery that lives on Twitter (and other social media sites) within the Christian community is breathtaking and disheartening.

4. The normalization of self-righteous responses.

Humility radically changes the way you respond to the sin, weakness, failure, immaturity, error, or opposition of others. If you admit how wrong you are capable of being, how you too can be thoughtless, how prideful you can be, and how patience is still a struggle for you, then it’s much harder to go on the attack.

Humility makes it hard to be quick to criticize, dismiss, or judge others because you know you’re numbered among them.

5. The normalization of vengeful responses.

A quick scan of Twitter responses reveals that it is not unusual for responses not just to debate, rebuke, or confront, but to harm. A person who is hurt by a post responds in a way that is calculated to hurt in return, to damage a person’s reputation, or even to attempt to end someone’s career. Here’s what we need to remember: vengeful anger is always the result of some person trying to do God’s job. There is only one judge of the heart. There is only one who is able to mete out perfectly holy and just judgment.

6. The normalization of individualism.

Disrespectful, dismissive, vengeful, mocking, motive-judging, and condemning reactions never produce healthy, loving, vulnerable, honest, reconciled, and unified community where confession, repentance, and forgiveness are encouraged. This is the kind of community God carefully designed for us to live in. By his wise plan, it is not good for us to live alone. We are born with the need for relationships. Each of our lives is a community project. So we must always respond to one another with the humble recognition that we need one another. This means responding in ways that strengthen our community, deepen our bonds, and stimulate candid, loving communication.

The “drive-by-shooting” reactions to something that you disagree with or that has disturbed you in some way is individualism run amok. It’s an “I don’t need you, here’s what I think of you, and I don’t care what this does to our relationship” way of responding.

7. The normalization of the love of controversy.

… Our culture of reactivity is a culture on a hunt for controversy. It is propelled by the thrill of the hunt and that scintillating moment when you draw your word weapon, take aim, and pull the verbal trigger. It’s enjoying watching how many bullets it takes before the person drops. The love of controversy sadly views other human beings not as your community but as your prey. And what gives you joy is not the messy process of love but the thrill of having captured your quarry again.

8. The normalization of tribalism.

It is always easier to react to a group that you’re not part of. No one holds a sign in a protest that says “My tribe is the problem.” The goal of our communication should not be preserving the power of our tribe but creating an intertribe culture of respect, relationship, mutual dependency, and learning.

This article is adapted from Reactivity: How the Gospel Transforms Our Actions and Reactions by Paul David Tripp.

Dig:

I freely, (with a great deal of shame) admit that I am an angry man raised in an angry family.

Generally, my mother wore/wears her feelings on her sleeve. She gushes emotions all over everyone at the drop of a hat.

On the other hand, especially as it related to my mother, my father was a gunny sacker (appropriate that he retired as a “gunny” in the USMC) - he would store up anger until his gunny sack exploded. And when it exploded it did so with the force of an A-bomb with pieces of the house and other objects flying everywhere — and lots of fallout.

So, I was taught well — but that is no excuse.

I must say that in my early years of being a disciple of Jesus I don’t really recall lessons on anger — they may have happened, but apparently didn’t stick. (Benefit of repetition?)

Proof text:

Anger: Ephesians 4:26-32 (Consider context of Ephesians 4:17-25)

Ephesians 4:26–27 (NASB95) Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity.

Ephesians 4:26–27 (NLT) And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Perhaps the NLT aligns with Vs.31 better?

How likely are you to be able to be angry and NOT sin? When you get angry does it control you?

Which is better, to be angry and hold it in (and let it eat you alive) or express it without restraint (and cause all sorts of problems that apologies will NOT fix).

Handout: Fix it or Release it.

James 1:19–22 (NLT) Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 21 So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. 22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.

Life Application Commentary:

Let everyone be quick to listen.

When James speaks to everyone here, he is especially referring to teachers (see 3:1). What they need to listen to is God’s Word (1:18).

The expression quick to listen is a beautiful way of capturing the idea of active listening.

We are not simply to refrain from speaking; we are to be ready and willing to listen.

Quick also implies a readiness to obey what we hear.

We often find the attitude among believers that the speaker is entirely responsible for getting the people to listen by being entertaining, relevant, and engaging.

James shifts the responsibility back to the audience. This “quick” listening is obviously to be done with discernment. We are to check what we hear with God’s Word. If we don’t listen both carefully and quickly, we are liable to be led into all kinds of false teaching and error.

Slow to speak. Quick to listen and slow to speak should be taken together as sides of the same coin.

Slowness in speaking means speaking with humility and patience, not with hasty words or nonstop gabbing.

Constant talking keeps a person from being able to hear.

Wisdom is not always having something to say; it involves listening carefully, considering prayerfully, and speaking quietly.

When we talk too much and listen too little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas are much more important than theirs. James wisely advises us to reverse this process. We need to put a mental stopwatch on our conversations and keep track of how much we talk and how much we listen. When people talk to us, do they feel that their viewpoints and ideas have value?

Teachers are especially prone to an imbalance when it comes to speaking and listening. We should take careful note of the way Jesus mixed the two. His speaking tended to be marked by brevity. He asked questions. He listened. We should ask ourselves, “Have I listened enough to know that what I’ve said was heard?”

Slow to anger. Anger closes our minds to God’s truth (see an example in 2 Kings 5:11; see also Proverbs 10:19; 13:3; 17:28; 29:20). It is anger that erupts when our egos are bruised—“I am hurt”; “My opinions are not being heard.” It is just the kind of anger that rises from too much fast talking and not enough quick listening!

When injustice and sin occur, we should become angry because others are being hurt. But we should not become angry when we fail to win an argument, or when we feel offended or neglected. Selfish anger never helps anybody (see Ecclesiastes 7:9; Matthew 5:21–26; Ephesians 4:26).

We have two ears but only one mouth, that we may hear more and speak less.

—Zeno

1:20 Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

The anger spoken of here is a thoughtless, uncontrolled temper that leads to rash, hurtful words.

Our anger toward others does not create within us a life that can withstand God’s scrutiny.

Why not? Because expressed anger tends to be uncontrollable. Anger is inconsistent with Jesus’ command to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43–48) and not hate our brothers (Matthew 5:21–26).

Anger usurps God’s role as judge. In fact, we can be sure our anger is wrong when it keeps us from living as God wants us to live.

So how can we obtain the righteous life that God desires?

If we were to ask this question to James at this point in his letter, he would probably send us back to the beginning.

The righteous life that God desires avoids anger, but actively pursues the following: tested faith, endurance, maturity, perfection, contentment, spiritual birth, quick listening, and obeying God’s Word.

WHERE ANGER ERUPTS

Knowing the places and the ways that we are tempted can help us prepare by praying and by planning alternative responses instead of giving in to anger:

• Family—When we are misunderstood, ignored, unloved, criticized

• Church—When we are unnoticed, overlooked, unappreciated, criticized

• Workplace—When we are slighted, overworked, harassed, criticized

• Friends—When we are left out, disappointed, criticized

• Society—When we feel singled out for unfairness, taxed, criticized

Your response to the handout: Anger: Facing the fire within

A Dictionary of the Holy Bible: ANGER A violent emotion of a painful nature, sometimes arising spontaneously upon just occasion, but usually characterized in the Bible as a great sin, Matthew 5:22 Ephesians 4:31 Colossians 3:8.

Matthew 5:22 (NLT) But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

Even when just, our anger should be mitigated by a due consideration of the circumstances of the offence and the state of mind of the offender; of the folly and ill-results of this passion; of the claims of the gospel, and of our own need of forgiveness from others, but especially from God, Matthew 6:15.

READ: Genesis 4:1-16

How does Genesis describe Cain and Abel? Do these occupations reflect on their personalities? If so, how? (4:2)

Cain (gotten) - tiller of the ground

Abel (meaning breath or vapor, is associated with the shortness of his life) - keeper of flocks

Did they choose or were they assigned these jobs?

Farmers - more frustrated? Harder work?

Abel - had to learn patience as a sheep or goat herder?

Why and what did Cain and Abel offer to the Lord? (4:3-4)

We are not told God required this.

Cain seemed to be the initiator of this.

Can you hear it? “But God I came up with this idea to honor You and You reject me!

Cain - the fruit of the ground

Abel - the first and best of the flock

How did the Lord react to Cain’s and Abel’s offerings? (4:4-5)

Rejected Cain’s and accepted Abel’s

Why did God accept Abel’s offering but not Cain’s?

We are not told. But if we guess we think it is because Abel offered the first and best (maybe Cain’s wasn’t?).

What did the Lord tell Cain he needed to do? (4:6-7)

Master his anger

What did Cain do? (4:8)

He murdered Abel by killing him in a surprise attack.

What would motivate someone like Cain to kill his brother?

Jealousy

Why did Cain kill his brother?

Does Cain’s response to God give us any insight?

What makes all of us vulnerable to Cain’s kind of sin?

We let anger control us, rather than the other way around.

Why are family relationships more intense than other relationships?

They are closer to us and we are more vulnerable to them.

What positive or negative effect have your parents’ life-style had on you?

HUGE impact!

How do you usually react when you have been accused of doing something wrong?

Get defensive, angry, hurt.

How did the Lord punish Cain for his sin? (4:10-16)

Sent him out of the land — isolation..

What lessons can we learn from Cain’s action and subsequent punishment?

Anger will leave a lasting imprint.

From: Adult Questions for LESSONMaker.