Unity in the Church
Notes
Transcript
Unity in the Church
Unity in the Church
Introduction
I often wonder why it is that some things change and some things never change. Some days everyone gets along perfectly and other days people tear each other down. Paul shared about this division springing up in the church at Corinth but to be honest conflict and division never left the church alone. When you look back at the history of the Church in general, we have spent centuries trying to be right and trying to convince we hold the truth others are wrong about. When you look up schisms in the church you will find a long laundry list of items that caused breaks in the church. These range from arguing about whether Jesus was human or divine or both and yet others try to argue for and against racism. These range from simple things like what kind of bread to use in communion to complex items like trying to understand the Trinity and how God is one in three persons. While what is causing division or what is being argued about or debated may change over time, the fact that division keeps coming up means the tactic of the evil one has stayed the same.
CS Lewis in his book Screwtape Letters talked about this in many ways and many angles. He used the example of if I can make someone be an extremist then it does not matter what end they may fall on. He said if I can make them extremely against something or extremely for something then a zealot is useful for the devil’s work.
Corinth vs. Asbury
When we read about this church at Corinth we can easily dismiss that we are not like that. Yet we don’t need to be reminded of the many ways in which in the past there has been disagreements. These disagreements have sometimes led to division within the church.
Why do we let disagreement over events, worship preferences, or traditions or ideals for church itself divide us? Are we a church who believes that only these traditions belong? Are we a church that believes only this style of worship is valid and appropriate? Are we a church that believes only people in certain age groups know what is best for the church’s future?
We get there quite easily when we don’t deal with conflicts that arise. Paul is focused on redirecting people away from that which divides by focusing that which we are united upon. By focusing on Jesus, we know we are all redeemed by Christ alone. By focusing on Jesus, we know Jesus is Lord over all of us. We have been baptized to dedicate ourselves to Christ body and mission in this world. Bible scholars point out that Paul does not confuse unity with conformity. Paul expects there to be differences because each of us is uniquely made and specifically gifted by the Holy Spirit.
Finding Unity in Christ
So where does this leave us with deciding how to approach conflict in the church? Dealing with Division means finding and centering on what brings unity
Paul here is saying what you share in common in Christ is greater than what you disagree over.
Same argument here to be of one mind that is also expressed in Phil 2:1-4
1 If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy,
2 make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves.
4 Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.
When we become enamored by others or seek to elevate some above others, we focus on worldly ways. We lose sight of the true power, that is the power of God shown through the work of the cross.
When Christ is our center we are united on, then it does not break down if this center on Christ is your basis for unity. It leads into other actions that build upon this unity rather than letting seeds of discord be sown.
Dealing with Conflict
This leads us to the question of how to deal with the elephant in the room of conflict arising in the church despite a call to unity on Christ. First, keep Christ as the center of what you are united about. This is not something to compromise. This is not something to yield up. You are baptized into the Body of Christ. This is your identity as a Christian and your purpose is to fulfill the mission of Christ in this world.
We can agree on this on a general level but we disagree on the specifics. Why? Quite simply because we are shaped and molded by God and our life experiences. This makes us unique and we arrive at our own set of ideals, goals, and values. These come into conflict in relationships with each other, i.e. the body parts working together. What happens is that the hand has goals and abilities to meet those goals but when the foot wants to accomplish its goal, the hand may be taken off course from its goal. The same when the eye goes after its goal and the foot can’t meet its goal. While this is all strange sounding, your body works as one organism. My hand coordinates with my mind and my eye as I write down words. My ears here the sound of the keyboard as a type and I hear when I have made a mistake because the sounds are not what it should be hearing. Often it happens my hands or my fingers fall behind my mind and I start mixing up letters and misspell words. My mind has to slow down to the speed my hands can type so that they can work together to write the sentence down. My lungs continue to work and bring breath into my body so that my mind can stay clear and focused. My body parts and senses work together in something simple as writing a sermon. Each body part has to recognize and appreciate the function and purpose other parts serve in so that they can also function and carry out their purpose.
How to deal with your conflict
I would like to go through an overview of the human responses to conflict to see where you are and what your default response mechanism might be. First I will go over the five ways we respond to conflict and then elaborate on the fifth.
5 models for dealing with Conflict
My Way - Win/Lose
I-Win-You-Lose-Because-I-Am-Right-And-You-Are-Wrong
When time is short and task is extremely crucial
Ex. Child Abuse or Spousal abuse
Will have to review later or revisit after the crisis
High concern for goals -
low concern for relationship
My Way - Force - Assertiveness
No Way - Avoid
I'm-Uncomfortable-So-I'll-Withdraw
Conflict is hopeless
People won't change
Avoidance of conflict it is appropriate is for
instant safety (does not deal with the conflict)
You have no power
You need to cool off or pause before responding
Damage caused to very sensitive person is too much for them to deal with
Or issue is just too trivial or not worth addressing
I leave/ I Lose
Little concern for goals - little concern for relationship
No assertiveness and no affirmative
Thy Way - Yield
I’ll-yield-to-be-nice-since-I-need-your-friendship
Risk becoming a door mat if this is your rule of life dealing with conflict
Appropriate when
If you suspect you might be wrong this works to find wisdom
Use when harmony is more important than the conflict in goals
Or if you think the other person may learn more from risking or making a mistake
High on affirmation but low on assertiveness
I yield to win acceptance
High concern for relationship - little concern for goals
Our Way- 50/50
I-have-only-half-the-truth-and-I-need-your-half
Compromise method Allows for creative thinking and for working together to find a better solution
This is going to ask both sides to give up something which may lead to sacrificing deeply held views
Values and relationships are compromised
Good choice when
Goals are only moderately important
Time is a factor and you need to reach a decision immediately
Temporary settlement is satisfactory and can be revisited later
Cooperative and Compromising with goals and relationships -
Some concern for values/goals and some concern for relationship
Third Way - Joint Creativity
I Care Enough to Confront -
I Care Enough To Recreate The Relationship
I-want-relationship-and-I-also-want-honesty-and-integrity.
Strengthens commitment to goal and the relationship
I Will Care And Confront
High Concern For Goals - High Concern For Relationship
Your plan for dealing with conflict
Always strive to start with the Third Way - Joint Creativity model as your default or your initial attempt but also know it may not always work out. If it does not then go to the next one
If the Third Way won't work then try Our Way - 50/50 next. Don't forget to revisit later if possible to see if Third Way will work later on
If the Our Way does not work then try the Thy Way - Yield model with the hope that it strengthens the relationship to be able to revisit other models that did not work before
If the Thy Way is rejected then move to the My Way - You Lose model to affirm the goals while risking the relationship. The goal here is to be able to clarify goal/values in hopes of being able to return to a compromise situation
If the My Way does not work then you are left with only I Leave - I Lose method
Pay attention to how the other person responds.
Which model are they responding with?
You may need to change models in order to build more on the relationship in order to get in a better place to work towards either compromise or more ideally caring and confronting (third way)
Jesus used each of these
Withdraw - Jesus withdrew from his hometown when they rejected him - Luke 4:14-30
I Win - You Lose - when he confronted the temple money changers and vendors - they were hustlers working the people going to the temple - Mark 11:11-19; Matthew 23
He Cared and Confronted - His arrest, his trial, his crucifixion, his forgiving those who did evil to him. He extended grace and love towards them while speaking truth
He cared and confronted the woman accused of adultery - recorded the accusations in the dust, caring in saying to carry out the sentence of stoning to death this woman, the first person to throw the first stone to begin this judgement must be without sin. He upheld the virtues and he upheld the relationship. John 8:7, 10-11
He told the rich young ruler to give away his possessions so he could follow Jesus. He cared for the relationship with the young rich ruler. Giving away his possessions to the poor would free him to dedicated to Jesus. Giving his possessions away to the poor upheld the virtue of helping others when you have the means to.
Summary Quotes
"Truth with love brings healing. Truth told in love enables us to grow. Truth in love produces change. Truth and love are the two necessary ingredients for any relationship with integrity: love— because all positive relationships begin with friendship, appreciation, respect; and truth— because no relationship of trust can long grow from dishonesty, deceit, betrayal; it springs up from the solid stuff of integrity. The two arms of genuine relationship are: truth reaches out to touch truth; love embraces love. The authenticity, honesty and transparency of truthfulness build trusting relationship; the positive regard of warmth that is not possessive offers affirmation. These are the two movements of relational integrity. I grow most rapidly when supported with the arm of loving respect, with sufficient security to uphold me through any confrontation from the arm of clear honesty. Confronting and caring stimulate growth."
Augsburger, David. Caring Enough to Confront: How to Understand and Express Your Deepest Feelings Toward Others (p. 25). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
"'Confrontation plus caring brings growth just as judgment plus grace brings salvation,' Howard Clinebell, Jr., one of the leading pastoral counselors, would say in theological discussion of supporting persons as they are making choices and reporting the reality and consequences of good and bad choices. This is how, theologically, we speak of the way in which God relates to us. Judgment inseparable from grace, grace undiminished by judgment; together these lead to salvation. God’s judgment— radical honesty about truth— confronts us with the demands of disciplined maturity. God’s grace— undeserved love— reaches out to accept and affirm us at the point we know ourselves to be unacceptable. If God dealt us only judgment, who could stand? If God reached out to us only in love, it would be a cheap grace without integrity, mere divine permissiveness. Perhaps we, too, in our efforts to live more justly, can embody grace and truth in difficult circumstances and settings? Perhaps this is our calling to live out such integrity. Is not this, in the last account, the way to maturity?"
Augsburger, David. Caring Enough to Confront: How to Understand and Express Your Deepest Feelings Toward Others (pp. 25-26). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.