How to Fight Like a Christian

“How to Fight Light a Christian”

Prayers for the People

God of grace and steadfast love, we thank you for your commandments, which order our life together. We thank you for calling us to live honorably with one another and pray for your grace as we try to do all that you require of us. Increase in us, we pray, the capacity to love you and our neighbors without reserve and to love even those who harm us. Not halfheartedly, but with our whole hearts, we bring before you the cares, the concerns, and the joys that occupy us.

We remember before you those who are at odds with one another in families, in neighborhoods or offices, and even in the church. We pray for nations in the midst of internal or external struggles and conflict. Teach us, O God, to seek nonviolent ways toward resolution. Help us to speak the truth and to listen with understanding when perspectives are far apart. We pray for love to bring peace into every troubled heart and place.

We remember before you those who have physical needs today. People who are hungry and thirsty; people who are exhausted by the demands of work or caregiving; people who are sick or undergoing surgery; and people who live with chronic pain. Bring relief and rest, we pray. We remember those weighed down with needs of heart and soul. A worry that keeps us awake at night, grief that accompanies us everywhere we go, depression that clouds us, or an addiction that grips us. Lift all of these heavy burdens with the light and peace of your presence, we pray. Sustain us over the long journey toward health and give us trust in you, ourselves, and those who love us. We remember before you not only our cares, but also our joys— a birthday celebrated, an anniversary enjoyed; new beginnings— a baby born, a new school year begun, a new job, a new relationship. We thank you, O God, for the gift of laughter, for enduring friendships, and for cherished memories. We give thanks that with you there is always a new beginning, a way where this is no way, hope beyond hope, and life beyond death. Through Jesus Christ, our risen Lord. Amen.

PRAYER FOR ILLUMINATION

Awaken our hearts and minds to your Word, O God. Give us understanding so that, by the power of your Holy Spirit, we are able to do all that you command for love’s sake. Gathered in Christ’s name, gathered around the Word, we pray. Amen.

Matthew 18:15–20

15 “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” [1]

I am sure that many of you when you saw the title of today’s sermon “How to Fight Like a Christian” were somewhat baffled by the title, because we as Christians don’t fight. We are about love, peace, reconciliation, and restoration, we don’t fight. I know you won’t believe this, but there are times when Christians don’t get along, Christians can be mean spirited toward one another, argue with one another and even hurt one another, and there is no hurt like church hurt. There have been books written on church hurt and how devasting it can be on a person as it relates to their faith in God, and more so their Christian walk and relationship with others in the church. When I began preparing for this sermon, I googled “How to Fight Like a Christian” and I was amazed at how many sermons, articles, YouTube videos and even a mini-series addressed the subject. In fact, Joyce Meyers did a four-part teaching series on “How to Fight Like a Christian” and even has a downloadable accompanying resource book. The most interesting fact about my google search was that many of these articles, sermons and teachings were done in 2014. I wondered what the body of Christ was experiencing then, that warranted such a focus on fighting like a Christian. But, when we look at our sermonic text for today, Jesus isn’t talking to Christians, he was talking to “Followers of the Way”, his followers, his fellow Jews. Christianity wasn’t in existence! So, if Jesus, addressed the issue of fellow believers sinning against one another before the church as we know it began, why are we to think that there won’t be members sinning against each other now? Unlike the parables, when it dealt with how we should treat one another, Jesus was often very direct and practical, as in our scripture today. Too many times when faced with internal conflict, the church can be seen as passive – we don’t want to offend anyone, we don’t want to be confrontational, we tend to beat around the bush, or ignore the conflict and pray it will go away, or even chalk it up to a conflict in personalities or dismiss actions because one party is just “being themselves”. There are other times, depending on the situation, we choose no to address the person, because of their position in the church, the longevity of their membership, or their level of giving, even who they are related to and other members suffer injustice at their hands, or they “hold the church captive” by their negative behaviors, because we are afraid to lose them as members or because we are afraid of any repercussions. A problem with passivity and even indirectness in the church is that those who have been injured, feel betrayed by the church, especially it’s leaders and sometimes are made to feel as if they were the ones who were in the wrong, for even having the audacity to bring up any wrongdoing, and they are victimized all over again. There are times when we allow the “bullies” of the church have their way too often. Yes, there are those who are church bullies who constantly mistreat people anyway they want, but if anyone addresses it – they make themselves out to be the victim, instead of the victimizer. They can be some of the most dangerous people in the church, because, they are often on the major committees/ministries, very active in the life of the church, and somehow have appointed themselves as the moral compass of the church. Yet if you cross them, or question them – watch out, they are venomous, so we tolerate their behavior at any cost, not realizing, the damage they have done to others and will continue to do so unless stopped.

But I am so glad that Jesus in his infinite wisdom, addressed how to handle internal conflicts. As one author put it, “Conflict among believers may be inevitable, but fighting dirty is not.”[2]Jesus was straightforward in how we should handle conflicts. Jesus’ conflict resolution involves just three easy steps:

1. Go to the person who wronged you by yourself and speak alone with them (Matthew 18:15). If the person listens to you, you have regained them. What we aren’t to do, that we probably do first, is complain to others about the person, or we hold it in and let the injury fester, which could eventually make us bitter to the degree that reconciliation is no longer possible, or we wait to see if that person “picks up” on our changed behavior towards them and we expect them to come and apologize to us. Jesus wants us to go to that person first, alone. Can you imagine how many conflicts could be resolved it we just talk it over with that person first, and as soon as possible after we are wronged. We never know what may have been the cause for the negative behavior, or even if the person realized that they had wronged us. However, if that doesn’t work, Jesus’ plan for reconciliation is to involve others.

2. Bring in others whom the person might listen to. The role of others in the conflict resolution process is to lend a different perspective to the problem. Others may be able to point out to both people things that they cannot see. Involving others is not to “gang-up” on the one who has wronged you, but to have those who are neutral, and that you know that person may respect, to help explain how you were hurt and the need for reconciliation. If that doesn’t work…

3. Jesus wants us to involve the church as mediator – as the conduit for peace and reconciliation. One writer describes this step by saying “This invites imagining how much work we would need to do in our own faith communities to make them places of healing and reconciliation for our members, much less the outsiders. The point is clear: the church is meant to be mediator in a world of misunderstanding, peacemaker in a world of passive-aggressiveness.

We often forget that Jesus’ wonderful declaration that he will be with two or three gathered in his name comes in the middle of a discourse about hard conversations and reconciliation. According to Jesus, the church should be reducing conflict through direct discussion, accountability, and transparency. When the church fails to live this out, when the church fails to invite Christ into our conflicts, we shouldn’t be surprised when it’s hard to see Jesus in our midst, no matter how many are gathered.”[3]

I would like to share with you 10 Ways to Fight Like a Christian from an article written by J.D. Greear, taken from Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.”[4]

1. Examine your heart.

This is a huge first step in any conflict. Even if you’ve been wronged, what does your emotional response say about your heart? Is it possible that malice, wrath, or bitterness have snuck in? These things are like alarm systems for your heart, pointing to idolatry, which is often a much bigger issue than whatever someone has done to you.

2. Overlook whatever you can.

Part of speaking to others with grace is discerning what needs confronting and what should be overlooked. That’s a lot of what Paul means by that little phrase, “as fits the occasion.” On certain occasions (not all!), confronting little infractions only serves to heighten tensions. There are times you need to speak up and confront; and there are times to just let it go. There’s a real art to knowing the difference.

3. Be practical in how you fight.

Again, think about what “fits the occasion.” There are certain times, places, and moods that are just bad for arguments. You may need to table the argument and come back to it later, after taking time to reflect on the conflict. Now, there’s always a temptation to just table a critical discussion endlessly, so you need to be sure to keep your word. If you say, “Let’s talk about this later,” then put it on your calendar and actually bring it back up.

4. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.

The vast majority of communication problems are not expression problems, but listening problems. You’re plenty skilled at making your point known; but the “communication breakdown” is the result of your stopped up ear. Listening well is one way of applying the biblical truth of considering others’ interests more important than your own (cf. Phil 2:3–4)

5. Seek their sanctification, not your vindication.

Once you let go of the idea that you have to win every argument and vindicate yourself, you can finally focus on what helps the other person and the relationship. That means backing off, even when you think you are in the right.

6. Believe in God’s overriding purposes in your relationships.

Knowing that God has a purpose for your relationships introduces an element of hope, even to the most broken of those relationships. This will not automatically make a difficult relationship easier, but it does add perspective: God knew you would be in that relationship, and he intends to do something beautiful with your conflict.

7. Speak grace-saturated words.

When grace saturates your speech, it changes both the content and the tone of what you say. Instead of assuming the positives and noticing the negatives, you begin to assume the negatives and intentionally point out the positives. You avoid being sarcastic and condescending, because that kind of talk—even if it’s technically “true”—only serves to ostracize and tear down.

8. Don’t give up until there is no longer a chance of reconciliation.

If more people would just give the power of grace a chance before giving up on a relationship, there could be more reconciliation.

9. Truly forgive.

Forgiveness is a choice to put an offense away from our minds, but it’s not conditional on another person’s repentance. Many people think, “I’d forgive so-and-so if they would just ask for it.” But don’t confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. Reconciliation takes two people; forgiveness only takes one. For your own sake, do not wait on another person’s repentance before you forgive. The only alternative to forgiveness is bitterness.

10. Do all things out of reverence for Christ.

The only way to follow any of this is for the cross to grow large in your life, to be so overwhelmed by Christ’s sacrifice for you that it reorients how you view every offense against you. If you try to resolve conflict as an act of service to the person who offended you, you will always lose motivation. You have to do it for Jesus. [5]

When we recognize that we will have conflicts in the body of Christ, we as the body, must be able to have a way to resolve it. I encourage every church to have a written conflict resolution procedure based on Matthew 18: 15-17, in their church policies, manuals and especially in a new members handbook or class because too many new members and those new to the Christian walk, can be disillusioned by internal conflicts amongst their new Christian Family.

When conflicts arise and they will, we must practice “How to Fight Like a Christian” with peace, reconciliation, and restoration as our goal.

BENEDICTION

God’s commandments are an invitation to daily faithfulness. Love God and your neighbor every day, and you will fulfill all that God intends. Owe no one anything, except to love one another. By doing this, God’s whole law is fulfilled. The grace of Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit fill you and the whole church until all things in heaven and on earth are reconciled. The love of God pursue you; the grace of Christ overtake you; and the Holy Spirit flow through you, as love fills all in all as you now know “How to Fight Like a Christian.”

[1] Revised Common Lectionary. (2009). Faithlife. [2]https://www,boundless.org/faith/how-to-fight-like-a-christian/ [3] A Preacher’s Guide to Lectionary Sermon Series: Thematic Plans for Years A, B, and C, Westminster Press, 2016. Vol 1, page 61. [4] The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version (Eph 4:29). (1989). Thomas Nelson Publishers. [5]https://jdgreear.com/10-ways-to-fight-like-a-christian/