Christian Conflict Resolution [Part 3]

Open your bibles to Matthew 18.

I want to remind you this morning as we are looking at Christian Conflict resolution that there is a process given to us by the Lord Jesus. We are studying that and have this far seen the great need, the preventative discipline of the christian that hopefully keeps us from the corrective discipline, the first step of self discipline, the way we go to our brother, and this morning we will look at the third step, taking one or two more…

Matthew 18:15–17 ESV

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

WHEN TO MOVE TO STEP THREE

Why then are there more steps to this process if the goal is reconciliation and a brother asks for forgiveness?… Because not everyone has a soft heart… There will be people you will go to, you will have a legitimate and a well defined case, present it to them in the greatest of love, and they won’t listen. They will deny it. They will reject the thought of you even pointing out they might have sinned!

How does the process progress then? When does one move to the next step? Good question… One moves on to the next step in this process when the brother you have gone to and made your case is unwilling to what is necessary for reconciliation. You might go to them a number of times, because maybe they don’t understand your case, maybe they are confused and need some explaining. So after a few times you might be left asking, do I move on or keep going to them one on one? Jay Adams adds some helpful thoughts on this…

If the brother or sister continues to discuss the matter with you, asking for further evidence, saying that he understands the facts differently, etc., or if he believes that your interpretation of biblical verses that bear upon the case is wrong, surely you are obligated to consider these matters.

As long as a reasonable discussion of these questions continues, you cannot charge him with failure to listen. But if the discussion ceases—if there is a failure to deal with issues in what you think is the biblical way and he tells you, in effect, “Look, we’ve said all there is to say on this matter. You are wrong and that is it”—you then have grounds for moving ahead. But you must first be sure that you have been willing to listen to him as well.

So it is neither the length of time any step may take nor the number of times reconciliation attempts are made that determines when to move to a further stage; rather, it is the willingness or unwillingness of the party or parties involved to continue negotiations.

You move on to the next stage when your brother becomes obstinate, stubborn, and immovable. So then, your brother or sister is unwilling to reconcile, what happens next?

Jesus says take one or two others along with you…

WHO ARE THESE OTHERS TO BE?

Wisdom would tell us that these are people who also have a record of placing themselves under self discipline. At least for a time, but in my opinion, I would suggest to you to take people who have been spiritually maturing for some time and not a new convert. Come with me to Galatians 6… Galatians 6 helps us out here…

Galatians 6:1–5 ESV

1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. 5 For each will have to bear his own load.

Paul gives the church some qualifications for people that are ready for reconciliation. But first let it be said that this passage highlights one of the many great privileges of the church. We have each other, people like us, disciples seeking to be built up in Christ.

Let me point out here that there is a difference in this passage between burden and a load; verse two and verse 5. A load is what we carry in life. My load is my life, the normal mundane, everyday things that I have from the Lord. That is my task, my domain, I need to be able to be strong enough to handle that on my own. The idea is to pull your own weight… Counseling seeks to build brothers and sisters up to that end. That you may not need counseling forever. But that between you and your relationship with Christ you might be strong enough to carry your own weight.

A burden is something different. It is something that should not be there. Like a thorn in the side. Or a cut or wound needing healed. In this passage it is in the context of a transgression, Some sin being struggled with. Or even possibly in the long run an overbearing consequence of a sin such as the need to be reconciled with a friend. A wound that has bleed for too long.

This is a great reminder for why we Christians must be a part of a community of believers. We call it, the church! This is our duty, to each other. There are no John Waynes in Christendom. We don’t go out on our own and flex our muscles. I tell you, your pride gets in the way if you think you can do it on your own. We need Christian friends, we need people who are close to us, that are not judgmental of us, but are willing to bear with us in our vulnerability and commit to strengthen us.

Thus my friends, you need one another. The mature Christian’s idea of Church is not a Sunday event alone. Sunday is a time of worship together: a great strengthening indeed. However, we need Christian friends and relationships that carry on throughout the week… So,

What does this one person or the two people look like that Jesus tells us to bring with us in step three? We take our lead from Galatians 6…

They are first,

1) Spiritual… Paul addresses, if anyone is caught in a transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him. The word literally means, of the Holy Spirit. A fellow Christian who walks in the Spirit. Who is producing spiritual fruit in their life. By spiritual I dont’ mean religious. I don’t mean some foreign practice. Nor do I mean someone who SEEMS spiritual. I mean, someone who walks in the word of God. Someone who fears the Lord and it shows. This is someone who understands the blood bought grace they have been given and lives in it. This is not just any person. This is not a person who seems wise. To handle these spiritual problems of burden, we need spiritual solutions.

2) Gentle… here is the fruit of the Spirit that is applied here. A spirit, connected again to not a general spirit, but the Holy Spirit. Gentleness shows itself in a number of ways, but one of the best ways that I have heard the gentleness of the Lord explained is His ability to be tactical… What i mean is like a military man discerning every situation. To the woman at the well, a woman in sin, he told her the truth. He convicted her. And he did it in a very gentle way.

Yet there is another instance in which Jesus was gentle and we might have never thought about it before. Imagine, Jesus goes into the temple, sees the calamity going on, and is still afterward considered gentle. Why? Yes, he braided a whip. Yes he drove people out, yes he turned over tables. But he did it a tactical way. A team of soldiers move into a building tactically. hey must not go in guns a blazing because there may be innocent people in there. They train this way. Walk through the building of targets. Some are labeled innocent, some are bad guys. Shoot the bad guys and not the civilians.

Thus they are gentle in that they care about truth, and justice, and protecting the best interest of righteousness inside that building. They are calculated. They are presice.

When jesus was done cleansing the temple there were still people who were willing to come to him to be healed. He didn’t scare everyone. He didn’t drive them ALL away. But he was driving out the proud, the greedy, those who did not know or want to know God. Thus, we need a gentle spirit. One that is willing to be thoughtful, careful, willing to act and tell the hard truth, and calculated by love.

3) A disciplined one… NASB says, “each one looking to yourself”… or “testing his own work… Again, one who has been tending to the log in their eye by meditating on the gospel. Do you have a life the stands up to the test? Have you victory? I know many counselors who seem disciplined, but have a terrible home life. I think, why are you counseling others, trying to help them, when your home is a wreck. More on this in a minute…

4) Willing to do the hard work…Luther said that a Christian must have “broad shoulders and husky bones” in order to carry the burdens of his brothers and sisters. To help someone reconcile with a friend will be hard work. It is not quick. It is not always pretty. If they have made it to this stage, and are willing to listen, this is not a one meeting over the phone and done.

The text says “carry” burdens. Maybe it’s a mile so to speak, but this kind of spiritual person is willing to go two miles.

5) Not boastful in himself, but in Christ… because Paul makes a huge argument about boasting in 1 and 2 Corinthians I don’t want to belabor the point here. But Paul in his argument quotes Jeremiah 9:23-24 twice, once in each letter. I want to read it to you… Jeremiah 9:23-24

Jeremiah 9:23–24 ESV

23 Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, 24 but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.”

Thus, the one you want to take with you is not a hero. He does not have all the answers. He does not boast in the strength he has. I know men who in every story they tell, in every example they give from their life, they are the ones who come off looking like the champ. Ah says God, what do you have that you have not been given. The spiritual one you want to take with you, and you yourself want to strive to be is someone who sees all the goodness and victory we ever gain coming from God.

So this man may boast, but his boast is that he has victory and order in his life, and that he has found wise ways of carrying his load, not because he has “figured it out” but because God has shown Him. Because God has enabled him.

Back to Matthew 18…

WHAT MUST THIS ONE OR TWO DO?

They must establish every charge. Both sides.

Their purpose is to go either with you, or agree to meet with this brother one on one on your behalf. To hear the charges, to hear both sides, and to discern the truth of the matter. Maybe they hear the charges, and they think there is no case here. They might tell you, “my friend, I think you blew this up out of proportion. You need to drop the charges.”

Or they hear and believe you have a case. they hear and see the sinful attitude. What do they do then? Then they act as you were acting back in step two. They go to the brother or sister in sin and present the facts, present the case, present the scripture, and seek to get this brother who has sinned to understand his fault, repent, and be made right with their friend.

This again is of the Old Testament. No charge can be established in a court setting except with two or three witnesses. Thus, in order to seek reconciliation, or in the sad case that the brother still doesn’t listen, you can proceed to the next step having exhausted your options.

My friends, I want to remind you this morning of your Saviors love for you. Some of you may be feeling inadequate this morning. Some of you might be feeling apathetic, meaning you just don’t seem to care. Some of you may have a drive, a desire to be more spiritual, to be that mature spiritual person someone would call on for help. I want to remind you of a promise I cling to from the scriptures. Both when I think of all that I am called to be as a christian, and observe all that I lack and feel discouraged, and when things are going right and the Lord blesses me and I think, this is too much for me to handle… I remember Philippians 1:6

Philippians 1:6 ESV

6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Christ’s work on the cross is complete. It is sufficient. My prayer for you as you grow in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is that you would remain in the shadow of the cross. Never forgetting that Jesus died for every sin, every one of them, past present and future. And you can confess them to him, and cling to him, and be emboldened in Him. He will finish the good work he started in you, cling to the cross.