A Self-controlled Life

Intro

You’ve probably heard the phrase as a young kid “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”

And that is what we are taught by our parents and teachers to believe. We grow up with this idea that what people say has no real power and that we should just ignore it.

The problem with that saying is that it doesn’t really reflect the true power that words contain, either from a neurological perspective or a biblical one.

The fact of the matter is that “while sticks and stones can break our bone, words can deeply wound us.”

I don’t say that as an opinion, but as a scientific fact. Those in the psychological field have been saying this for years. However, there hasn’t been a lot of studies done to actually see how the brain responds to the words that are spoken to us.

In one recent neuroscience experiment scientists monitored subjects brain responses to auditory as well as imagined negative words.

What they found is that while subjects were being exposed to these words their brains began releasing stress and anxiety inducing hormones.

In this same study they found that the increased levels of anxiety in children were associated with higher rates of negative self-talk.

Ultimately the study concluded that negative words, whether spoken, heard, or thought, not only cause situational stress, but also contribute to long-term anxiety.

And this makes complete sense, because the bible is full of warnings to us about the destructive power that our words can have when we don’t use them carefully.

That is why this morning in our Ways of the Wise series we are going to look at what Proverbs, as well as few other places have to say about being wise with the words we choose to speak.

Power in the Text

There are a number of places where you will find warnings in Proverbs about what we say. In Proverbs 4 we see the author giving advice as a father to his son.

Proverbs 4:20-27 NLT 20 My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. 21 Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, 22 for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body. 23 Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

24 Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. 25 Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. 26 Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. 27 Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.

First here the author talks about the power of his own words, and his hope that they will penetrate deep into his son’s heart for they bring life and healing.

They he says, avoid perverse talk. What is perverse talk? It means wrongness or falsehood, it indicates a twisting or turning in the wrong direction.

He says don’t allow falsehoods or any twisted manipulation of the truth to come out of your mouth.

In English we see the word avoid. The author says, avoid this kind of talk. We think of avoid in terms of just stay away from it. You might get close to a pothole in a road and then swerve at the last minute to avoid it. But boy were you close to hitting it.

No, the word avoid here is stronger than that. It means to leave behind, put away, or go in the opposite direction from what you are trying to avoid.

Simply put, words that are untrue or deceptive or lead people astray need to be so far removed from us that we have nothing to with them.

He doesn’t just say “don’t do this”, but rather be so far removed from this kind of talk that people can’t even associate you with it.

There are other warnings in the Proverbs about our speech

Proverbs 10:19 NLT 19 Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

Proverbs 11:12-13 NLT 12 It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet. 13 A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.

Proverbs 12:18 NLT 18 Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

Big Idea/Why it Matters

As I mentioned in my opening, words are powerful. They can cause actual physiological harm in the way that affects our brain chemistry.

It isn’t just about being honest. You can speak honest words yet be in sin in how use those honest words.

The cutting remarks in Proverbs 12 are like words used at weapons. Rash words that are like a sword being thrust into a person. This is how the NIV describes it.

The words we speak can encourage or discourage, can cut deeply or bring healing. The Bible recognizes that a wise person is careful with the words they use; our speech carries with it a big responsibility.

James picks up on this teaching in the New Testament in...

James 3:1-10 NLT Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.

6 And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, 8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!

Here James uses a number of illustrations. He speaks of the bit in a horse’s mouth to the rudder of a ship to show how something small has the power to direct something big and powerful.

The words we speak can shape our life and the lives of those around us, and we need to be careful with the pain and healing they can bring.

Not only do our words have an impact in the moment, but as James says they, like a spark can start a raging forest fire.

Back in 2020 you may remember something that had been coined “The El Dorado fire”. Basically a California family had gathered to celebrate a gender-reveal announcement. These have grown in popularity in the last several years.

Well, this couple chose to use a colored smoke bomb to reveal if they were having a boy or a girl. What they didn’t account for was that this smoke bomb created a spark that started a fire.

A fire so large that it destroyed 20 homes and other buildings, burned up over 20,000 acres of land, and killed one fire fighter.

No one could have imagined the damage that one spark would create.

James is saying that if we aren’t careful, our words can do damage like that.

Jesus took it even further when speaking to the religious leaders when they accused him of casting out a demon by the power of Satan.

He talked about a tree being being identified by its fruit. He then likened the words we speak to being the fruit of our lives. That our words are a reflection of what is already in our heart.

Then he gives a stern warning.

Matthew 12:36 NLT 36 And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. 37 The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.”

Application/Closing

So what do we do? How do we learn to tame our tongue, to control what we say so that when we give an account for the words we used, it is the account we want to give as followers of Jesus?

First, choose to dedicate your heart to the Lord daily.

This sounds simple, but remember that our words are a reflection of our heart. If our heart is oriented toward God then our words will reflect that.

Hebrews 13:15 NIV 15 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.

When we choose praise, we sacrifice slander, gossip, hurtful, and dishonest words.

Second, pray that God would make you conscious of the words you use.

Acknowledge your need for discernment in this area, be intentional. This will not happen on its own.

Psalm 19:14 NLT 14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Third, just because you have the right to say it, doesn’t always mean you should.

This couldn’t be truer than it is for the American Church where free speech is often elevated to a Biblical right rather than the man-made one that it is.

Free speech is a valuable thing, one that as a veteran I served and fought to protect and preserve. But understand that freedom without restraint isn’t really freedom at all.

Instead we become enslaved to our own sinful nature under the guise of exercising our rights.

As followers of Jesus we are called to lay down our right to self, that at times in order to be all things to all men that some might believe as Paul instructs us means restraining ourselves from saying something that will do more damage than good to the kingdom of God.

Lastly, be humble enough to apologize when you mess up because all of us inevitably will.

For some, we would rather get a root canal than apologize to someone when we are in the wrong.

This says a lot about our heart and who is actually sitting on the throne of our lives. Because if we are not humble enough to admit when we are wrong, then we will never be humble enough to truly submit to Jesus.

Not only that, but the damage you may cause someone with your words, can often times be prevented with a simple apology and a recognition of the hurt you caused.

According to the Bible, our words are just as important as our actions, if not more important. So next time you begin to point the finger at the actions of others, it would be wise to consider the words you use and how you use them.

Remember, our words have the power to...

Bless or to curse.

To bring life or to bring death.

To speak truth in love, or as an outlet for our frustration with the world around us.

To exhort, meaning to call to account but to do so in a way that encourages and leaves a person’s dignity intact, or to tear down.

To lead a lost world to its Lord and Savior or to push them further from him.

So I challenge you, choose your words wisely.