9 Marks of a Healthy Marriage: Self-Awareness

Week #4 - February 20

Series: Nine Marks of a Healthy Marriage

Lesson: Self-Awareness

IceBreaker:

About Mamamia

Mamamia is a women’s media company with a purpose: to make the world a better place for women and girls. We do that through the written, podcast and video content we create every day that make women feel heard, seen and understood. We do it by promoting women's businesses - Lady Startups - and by directly contributing a portion of our profits to the education of some of the world's most disadvantaged girls...

"The first year of marriage is the hardest." 20 women on the worst marriage advice they've ever heard.

by Brielle Burns | Jan 2, 2022

So we decided to ask the Mamamia community to share their worst pieces of marriage advice they've ever been told. And boy, were there some doozies.

Here's what they had to say.

1. "'Make time for a date night once a fortnight.' We're both working full time with active socials lives and have a toddler and another one on the way, it's absolutely unrealistic."

2. "'Never go to bed angry.' Sometimes a break and distance from the argument can be far more productive than going round and round in circles. Especially if you're like my partner and I who are both very headstrong."

3. "'The first year of marriage is the hardest.' Not really. We had a baby a year before we got married, that was pretty hard. And now we have three and that's pretty hard. The year after we were married was pretty straight forward, actually."

4. "That you are always going to want to snuggle - hint, you won't but it doesn't mean you aren't still in love."

5. "'You've got to stay together for the kids.' If I followed this advice, I wouldn't be in the happy marriage I am now and the mum to two more kids."

6. "That you should marry a man. I love the men in my life but getting married to a woman was the right choice for me."

7. "I've heard from several older women that I should 'stay attractive for my husband'... I wasn't sure how to respond in all honesty. If I need to 'stay attractive' then so does he."

8."At my actual wedding reception while I was going around greeting guests, my great aunty pulled me aside and gave me a speech about name advice. I hyphenated my name with my husband's, and I don't go by Mrs, I go by Dr. And she decided to pass on the advice to stop doing that because women should really like to identify as a married woman, and by having silly titles and last names you'll never really feel like his wife. So she told me to get over myself and just spend 'a year or so' doing my thing before switching back to Mrs and taking his surname."

9. "'If he cheats on you it's because you are not giving him what he needs!'... I was told this just after we broke up by a co-worker. To say I was upset is an understatement!"

10. "'Stay married no matter what, because what is a woman without a husband.'... I'm a firm believer in divorce and women can be more than just wives (unless they choose to identify solely and strictly as somebody's wife - which is perfectly ok too)."...

[Accessed 02/20/22 - https://www.mamamia.com.au/worst-marriage-advice/]

What is the goal of this lesson?

To help the couple’s learn the importance of developing self-awareness through encounters with Christ in the word and in each other.

What’s the plan for reaching this goal?

Through a brief look at Luke 5:1-11, an identification of Christ as sovereign over creation, and his intention in the diversity and unity of creation.

Is there a need for this topic or goal?

For couples who are busy trying to change the other spouse.

For couples who are un-self-aware.

For couples who have so much pride in their experience that they are missing out on blessings in marriage.

What’s the big idea?

A genuine encounter with Jesus leads to an honest, self-awareness that makes you ready for the Master’s use.

Body:

A lesson from Peter’s encounter with Jesus (5:1-11)

A genuine encounter with Jesus leads to an honest, self-awareness that makes you ready for the Master’s use.

What kind of encounter do I need with the Lord so that I might:

see the Lord for who he is;

see myself for who I am;

and see/appreciate my spouse for who he/she is?

We need an encounter with the Lord of Creation.

(1) The Lord sovereignly created your spouse - Genesis 2:22.

Who brought you two together?

The real and significant differences between you began in the mind of the Creator. Everything that makes up your wife—what she looks like, her innate gifts, and her particular personality—came out of the mind of an incredibly creative designer. [Tripp, Paul David. Marriage (Repackage) (pp. 233-234). Crossway. Kindle Edition.]

At one point you considered yourselves compliments for each other, correct?

...unity in marriage is not the result of sameness. Tripp, Paul David. Marriage (Repackage) (p. 234). Crossway. Kindle Edition.

Applications:

Learn to praise God for differences.

Refuse to see the differences as right or wrong. When we talk about what the Creator has hardwired into your husband or wife, we are not talking about things that are morally right or morally wrong. Tripp, Paul David. Marriage (Repackage) (p. 235). Crossway. Kindle Edition.

God is glorified in unified diversity.

(2) The Lord serves us by making us aware of our nakedness. Genesis 3:8 [Consider Peter].

How? by direct encounters through spiritual disciplines

How? by direct encounters with other Christians who expose our personal sins and weaknesses. [Uncomfortable grace].

Applications:

Why did God bring you two together?

If you say, for his glory, then consider, “What has to happen in your life so that you might bring glory to the Lord?”

Answer: Change [i.e. sanctification = conformity to Jesus]

This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence 2. Conformity to Christ, Not to the Husband

The aim of the godly husband’s desire for change in his wife is conformity to Christ, not conformity to himself. Notice the key words in verses 26–27. Verse 26: “that he [Christ] might sanctify her.” Verse 27: “that he [Christ] might present the church to himself in splendor.” Verse 27 again: “that she might be holy.” These words—sanctify, splendor, holy—imply that our desires for our wives are measured by God’s standard of holiness, not our standard of personal preferences.

IOW - God has sovereignly put her/him in your life as a means to accomplish his work of making you more like His Son. This is actually cause for celebration.

If you are too proud to accept whom God has chosen, then consider that you might need a fresh, honest encounter with God through spiritual disciplines. Consider the words of Peter in Luke 5 carefully.

Conclusion:

The truth of this lesson may lead some husbands to be pacifists in their homes. By pacifist, I mean that you are afraid to lovingly lead in the home and you just placate to the sinful tendencies of your wife. This forms bad habits and behaviors. Seek biblical counsel early and often.

In addition, the other extreme of the pacifist is the aggressive husband who domineers. This lesson should humble you because you are encouraged to encounter Christ and see your own sinfulness before you become dismissive of your spouse through pride.

When you begin to think and act as though your hardwiring makes you better, more mature, or more righteous than your spouse, you will act and respond in ways that are dismissive and disrespectful. Tripp, Paul David. Marriage (Repackage) (pp. 235-236). Crossway. Kindle Edition.

Workshop Work:

p. 60, Small group discussion questions 3 & 6.

Exercise: p. 70 & 71, On 3 x 5 card, identify and write your verse

Homework:

Read and complete “When Your Needs Aren’t Filled” in ISTYHT, pp. 73-87.

Question & Answer: